Gotta Love a Small Town.

Small town life is a good thing.
Sometimes it is frustrating when you have to take a trip to the big city to get what you need for a project or you get one choice and one choice only for internet and it is 'prehistoricnet' at best.
But it is good for raising kids, learning to drive, running quick errands and good restaraunts.
Most of our eateries are local and you know the owners or the managers or the wait staff or the chicken that is now on your plate.
We have gotten lots of new fast food places over the years, but one chain has been here for decades and they understand living in a small town.

Dairy Queen.

Lots of small towns in Georgia have a Dairy Queen and its Gods way of blessing the south.
Last night I wanted ice cream.
So 'everyone' (everyone=humans and dogs) piled into the car, because it was hot in the house and my car has some cold air conditioning and off we go to Dairy Queen.
We pull up to the drive-thru where upon I order what I want, my husband orders what he wants, we get our cash total and pull up to the window.
The sweet girl there hands us the first thing from our order, then looks in the car and squeals with delight, "Puppies!"
She then asks if we want doggy cups?
We reply, "Sure that would be great, they love ice cream!" We answer as if we can speak Dog, because we can, and we know they would 'hound' us and drool near us while we ate ours if they did not have some of their own.
So she finishes giving us our order, gives us 2 small doggy cups of ice cream, says good-bye to the 'puppies' and we head home, grateful that we live in a small town and have a local Dairy Queen.
Yes, this sounds like a commercial, but I swear to you that this fabulousness is true and unsolicited.

Gotta Love a Small Town!!


Dairy Queen Delights.

Thanks for being here.

p.s. If any of you comment or email me that ice cream is bad for dogs, please don't take offense when I say that my dogs love me more than your dogs love you.
p.s.s. The previous comment was kinda cheeky and audacious, sorry. I must have eaten too much ice cream.
p.s.s.s. That is a pile of towels to wash in the background of the picture, sorry. I was too busy eating ice cream to do laundry.

Same Thing, Different Day.

I am always prepared.
Always.
Girl Scout, Swat team, Zombie apocolypse ready.
Overly prepared most times actually.

Case in point:
I brought on my vacation; 3 suitcases full of clothes, outfits, shoes with various accessories as well as one black trash bag full of towels and odd things, a laundry basket of assorted supplies and a tool box, so that anything I could possibly need would be at my disposal.

Guess what?

I am wearing the same clothes over and over.
2 outfits and a swimsuit.
Thats all I really needed to bring.
(I did use a screwdriver once, but not on my outfit so it doesn't count in this post)
I could have packed in a Walmart bag.
I did try on a different pair of flip flops one day, but most everything else I brought was for some fantasy vacation.
It's like I have a vacation uniform.


Ernest P. Worrell has invaded my psyche.
His wardrobe apparently is my vacation inspiration.
Same thing. Different Day.


Ernest P Worrell - Fashion Genius


And what's weird about it is that I do that alot.
I never know what I will need!
If I had only packed the 2 outfits I am wearing repeatedly, then I would have hated them and wished I had brought other things.

That's why I don't travel much.
It's hard.
But I do the 'uniform' thing cause it's easy.... and lazy.
Isn't that what vacation is all about?
Taking it easy and being lazy?

Packing effectively for going other places is not something I can accurately do at home.

I can't prepare so I'll be prepared!
Does that even make sense?

I would be an awesome bag lady.

Thanks for being here.

Godzillaaaaaawwwww....

Godzilla.



My favorite scary thing.
Although he does not give me nightmares (any more) and my mother makes me gasp, hold my breath and become bug-eyed more than most movie monsters ever did, he is still quite near and dear to my heart.

When I was young there was a late night Friday show called 'The Creature Feature'.
My father watched it every week and would invite my sister and I to join him.
It was the only time our mother would let us stay up late.
We saw giant spiders, detached body parts that stalked people, giant ants, mummies, Frankenstein and of course Godzilla, as well as our mother rolling her eyes when Dad read the movie title of this weeks Creature movie.

Godzilla (the King) on Friday nights and the fact that I had lots of iguanas as pets growing up in Florida, lizards were/are some of my favorite animals.

On a recent trip to Florida I made some new friends:

Florida Godzilla Fans.


These lizards heard me tell them all about the upcoming movie that will be showing in just 7 days and even though I told them they could not see the picture show with me they still posed for the camera.

Aaawwwww....
Totes Presh.

Thanks for being here.

Laughing Grandchild

As a proud re-mom, I take lots of pics and the occasional video of my fast growing grandson.
I am teaching him early that life should be fun and if you can laugh at it then you might possibly get through it intact.
He is learning this quickly (not yet 3 months old) and as you will see in the video he giggles adorably as his grandfather sings him a song about the monkey embroidered on his clothes (this family is all about cheap fun and good music!).


Jeplen's First Ever Giggles.


Thanks for being here.
Have a giggley day!

"Mmmmmm, I Love Breakfast Cereal." Donna Meagle

I believe I have mentioned in past blogs that I enjoy cooking and making food.
It's fun and therapeutic for me like napping, reading,  eating or reading blogs!
To prove my point, I would like to share with you a look at all the cookbooks I have acquired.


Graceful Grandma Cookbook Cabinet.

Yes, I have cooked from e v e r y single one of those books at some point in my life.
At some point.

Now I use the computer.
Need a recipe, I look it up, and if it has 5 stars then I will most likely give it a try.
What? Why?
Cookbooks are treasures!

They were meant to be read through almost like a regular book, telling a story of cooks before you, while you/me the reader marks up the pages of recipes that look delicious or WERE delicious.
Pinterest kinda does that with pictures, but I have tried many and liked very few of those recipes.
Used to be I would choose some recipes out of a book, add the ingredients I needed to my shopping list and then look forward to when they were on the weekly menu schedule.
Now, I open the cupboard, look at what I have on hand, THEN find a recipe that matches, at least kind of matches. They say use chicken, I say lets try Spam. The say rice? I say how about tater tots?

That is, IF I decide to cook anything at all.
When you're an empty nester there is little motivation to whip up something marvelous and impress......yourself?

That is why God made cereal.
Nutritious, easy and only 2 ingredients, well if you add the milk it's 2.

Even without milk it is usually delicious!
Sometimes the best recipe has been in the cabinet all along!

Thanks for being here.
Enjoy a foodie day !!




"People who love to eat are always the best people."
Julia Child

Nana, Grandma, Granny, Gram or.....

Since I became a grandmother, everyone has been asking me what I want to be called.
I want to be called 'that rich lady' or 'that young girl' or Scarlet Johansson, but I will likely not be handed one of those monikers anytime soon.
My children suggested 'Gramalama ding dong', Grammaster Flash, Gramraham Lincoln and Gramzilla. All fun and likable, but a bit questionable.

But for me, it really is a hard question. In my mind the naming should be left up to the grandchild so they can toy with the name and call you whatever they happen to be able to say. But apparently with 2 actively participating grandmothers there needs to be a right now distinction between us, so the parents can effectively argue about our grandparenting strengths, weaknesses and inheritance possibilites, as well as distinguish, to the grandchild, who's side of the family they should or should not take after.

The other grandmother wants to be called 'Nana'.
She picked it a while ago and I am glad.
I can scratch that option off my list.
My own grandmother was Gram.
My sister and I enjoyed that name because both of us were/are strangely addicted to and love to eat graham crackers, especially the cinnamon ones, and we would actually call her 'Gram Cracker' when we were in a playful mood(she probably wanted to slap us but never let on).
I could never be as good of a grandmother as she was so that name has essentially been taken off and crossed from my options list.

So I think I'm going with Grammy.
Yes, just like the award.
After all it's an accolade to recognize outstanding achievement.
I can live with that.



A Grammy Grammy


For my grandson it will just be my name.
But to me... I will be:
something people work for... ("Time to pick up your new toys Grammy got you!"),
something that people want... ("Of course Grammy will give you a cookie"),
something they want to bring home... ("Grammy will get those old monsters out from under your bed!"),
something they cherish... ("Grammy thinks you're the best grandchild that God ever made"),
something they can brag about... (" My Grammy once found a rattlesnake that had 14 babies!").

Appreciated and loved...just like a real, gold colored, on TV, Grammy Award.

Only with slightly different reasons.
Besides I could potentially use the horn as a hearing aid when I go deaf.

Thanks for being here.
Have a great day !

Retail me this.... or how 'bout them cuss-tomers*.....

As a worker in retail for many, many, way to many years, I have seen my share of irritating cuss-tomers*.
Here is a short list of their antics today in my store:

Some cusstomers are needy and consider you their personal shopper. (even though you are carrying 4 boxes that you can barely see over and you're trying to talk on the walkie-talkie and help another patron)

Others talk to their friends loudly, so I can hear about how they can get what they want much, much cheaper in another store. (fine, hurry, go there)

A few (today it was more than a few) act like our stuff is a gift on Christmas morning and proceed to rip our product out of the packaging, tear off the inside tags, change their mind, then ball it up and stuff it wherever they happen to have considered it last, sans the packaging that we have to now find. All this even though we have 1 or 2 on display and it is done when our back is turned. (I'll bet your mom found cookies under your bed too)



Many adults and adults with children get furious that we do not have a public restroom.(we are in a mall with lots of public restrooms) We are talking angry, cause they "can't hold it all that way". (try really hard, please)

And you gotta love the mothers who bring in their children who start screaming and crying over heaven only knows what and the mom continues to slowly shop and ignore the child who will then scream and yell louder, while we are trying to be nice, answer phones, conduct business as usual and keep from praying for death to help end our misery. (please take your child out of the store or let us employees give your child a real reason to scream!) (do not judge me on this one, I raised 4)



Another good one today was when the cuss-tomer asks you about the return policy and you tell them what it is and they say, "Well, thats not right, I just returned blah, blah blah...". So I reply, " You are correct, It's not right. I just made it up because my feet hurt".(our return policy is on the reciept, on signs in the store AND it has not changed in 5 years)
AAAaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh.

Sometimes I can bear it, leave it at the store and come home.
Today was not one of those days.
It got to me.
No troublemaking cuss-tomer today actually recieved the pummeling they so totally deserved, (they can sleep soundly in their ignorance) but I had to vent, and you my loyal readers get to share my pain.

Please, be a kind shopper, treat things as if they mattered without leaving a trail of destruction for lowly hourly workers to clean up, because it is my prayer for you unkind shoppers that you experience the same kind of attitude and treatment that you share with us.
10 times over.
No, lets make it 20.
Plus a head cold.

Thank-you for listening.
I am grateful.

*That is not a typo. Some shoppers make me want to cuss.

I have lost my mind and it better not come back.

I was always under the assumption that as you got older you got wiser.
At least thats how the saying goes.
That statement is totally false! In my case anyways.
The older I get, the busier I get,
my ability to multi-task decreases,
as does my abilty to uni-task,
my organizational lists get lost,
my weight and urinary tract functions increase,
sarcasm and cynicism are my only forms of communication,
my body refuses to perform silently,
sleep arrives only in 2 hour shifts and
my memory is virtually just a memory.
There is nothing of wisdom in these occurences!
Dadgummitt!!

I always wanted to be a nice, sweet old lady and this totally gets in my way and messes things up.
That is why when I snapped yesterday yelling and crying at God over the myriad of unimaginably trivial things happening this week, I said to myself, "You have lost your mind!".

I no longer will look for my mind either.
It wanted to leave, well then good luck out there in the world of reality.
I no longer care.
I can't care because if I do then my mind will tell me that I am falling apart.
Who needs that?
I try to ignore that fact on a daily basis.
My mind just adds to my stress.
So when my mind checked out yesterday it was kind of a relief.

Remember though, that I want to be a nice person, so there is the posssibility that I will take it back if it wants to return, but we will have to have a long talk beforehand.

I will let you know!!!



'Abby Normal' Brain


Thank-you for being here.
Thanks for reading my blog!

Best Lotion Ever 2

Back in my other blog, Chicken Nuggets (chickendotpie.blogspot.com), I had a post about The Best Lotion.
I used up 2 whole homemade batches of the stuff (remember my propencity towards reptilian skin? God Bless Godzilla). Yet whilst pondering about making a new batch, I was on the old internet learning about the wonders of coconut oil*.
So I said to myself, says I, "Lets put some coconut oil in my lotion recipe so I can have nice skin forever".
I had some coconut oil from 19diggity2 (I really don't recall the year but it was when my son had mono and someone told me it would help him heal faster and that was years ago).
It smelled fine, looked fine, felt fine, so I used it. Expiration dates?? Those are for babies and people who don't live dangerously!
Anyway...
I cut the vaseline in the recipe by 1/2 and used the other 1/2 as coconut oil.
Best thing I could have done.
The lotion soaks right in while feeling light on the skin.
Well worth washing a bowl and some beaters to make.
Below you will find my NEW recipe and I hope you find it to your liking.


Ingredients for Best Lotion Ever.

These are the ingredients:

Johnson Baby Lotion (any scent)
Coconut Oil
Vaseline
Vitamin E Cream

These are the ratios and they CAN be halved:

16 oz. baby lotion
4 oz. Coconut Oil
4 oz. Vaseline
8 oz. Vitamin E Cream

Mix all ingredients with hand mixer till it looks like frosting.


Graceful Grandma's Homemade Lotion.

Thats it ! You will thank me and your skin will thank YOU !!!

Thanks for being here.
Thanks for reading my blog.

*Coconut oil looks like an ointment or cold cream when you buy it, but melts at a very low temperatures (like 76 or 78) so it melts right into your skin. Fabulous!



Before Lotion.


After Lotion.

My Ben and Jerry's Therapy.

This morning was a rough one for me.
Rough because our new puppy "Baxter" who is now 6 months old went to the vet to be fixed.
I knew it was gonna happen for months, but chose to keep it a secret from him.
So when I dropped him off and he was his usual happy, playful puppy self, I was over come with guilt.
He was born intact and had no idea I was ever intending to cut off his body parts.



Baxter the Boxer

I felt awful about it.
So awful that I consolled myself by buying myself some new clothes and some Ben And Jerry's Ice Cream.
Came home to soothe my burdened soul by eating 2 of the 5 flavors I purchased.
Bless you Ben and Jerry.
They understand your every sadness as the sweet, creamy goodness slides off the spoon into your tummy.

Emotional eating, you might ask?
Completely accurate they might say.

Problem not solved just avoided, you might ask?
Totally accurate they might say.

Excess calories added to an already over the limit daily diary of food, you might ask?
Have some more they might say.

Am I feeling better, you might ask?
"Of course I do.............NOT", 'I' might say. cause I can answer my own dadgum questions.

But the ice cream was delicious and eating it was something to do while I waited for the time I could pick up my dog and tell him I am sorry.
Ben and Jerry got me through the day in their unique theraputic way.

I am so grateful that I made an appointment with them again for tomorrow.



Ben and Jerry's. The Best Therapy!

Thank you for being here.


P.S. Baxter was/is happy, fine and bouncy.

Domestic Epiphany (or Why are there so many Brackets?)

Those of you that have been reading my blog this past year now realize that housekeeping is not one of my gifts (or did you?).
I make an effort to clean only when company is coming (not often) or when I'm in the mood (even less often) or after loosing a bet (even less, less often) or I find a new cleaning product that intrigues me (even less, less, less often! Why take money from the wine budget?)

So while I was washing my hair in the kitchen sink (because winter turns my skin reptilian and I avoid more than one shower a day) I noticed that the kitchen floor needed mopped... again.
I just scrubbed it on my hands and knees last week with a bucket, scrub brush, hot soapy water and towels!!!
Just like in the movies that Hollywood says mirrors real life, yet we all know that no one does that in real life ! (...except me, apparently)


Scrubbing the floor in the real world


"So" says I, (pondering the task before me) "How do I make this easy?" (If you have never said "How can I make this easy?", then we can not be friends. Sorry)
I have talked to my lovely sister repeatedly about purchasing my own steam mopper (she has one) so I could then just plug in the machine and my floors would be instantly sanitary.
"But those things are expensive!" I say to myself as I lean against the microwave.
But all I have is my trusty wet Swiffer®... and... a microwave!!!
Problem solved!!!!
So I popped that wet Swiffer® on a paper plate, stuck it in the microwave for 18-20 seconds and I got a kinda, pretend, almost steam mop.
Worked like a charm.
Stayed warm until it was filthy, didn't fall apart and my floor looked great in just a few wipes and swipes !!



Graceful Grandma "steamy" Swiffer®


That is my wisdom for Wednesday.
(or my cleaning confession)
Yes Hollywood, you win. Scrubbing the floor mirrors my life.



"I love scrubbing floors!
Not really, I just drank all of the wine I bought with the money I saved!"


Thanks for being here.
Thanks for reading my blog.

(by the way, thats not really me or my quote in the above picture. I prefer whiskey) :)

Reasonable Doubt? Define Reasonable.

Thanks Lent.
Like I need more reminders that life is not easy.
That I don't measure up and keep my promises well enough.
Thanks guilt.
I did WAY too much last week and when it came time for my blog, there was not even one complete sentence available in my head for posting.
My little gray cells had exhausted themselves by trying to organize and get stuff done and were now clumped together tightly into the size of a raisin and were only that large so they could keep my lungs working and my heart beating so I could be reminded that I still have high blood pressure.
Thanks Lent, guilt and brain.

Jesus fasts for 40 days in the desert and I can't post 40 blogs about life.

How am I supposed to celebrate Easter when the first 2 weeks of Lent have been an epic failure on my part.
Thanks Lent, guilt, brain, Jesus.
Wait.
Who was with Jesus anyway and told the story of his fasting experience?
He was alone?
Right?
Who knows?
No one was there!!!
That story could have been told with ANY outcome.
Well now you're thinking that because I failed in my Lenten attempt, I'm trying to cut myself some slack by bringing reasonable doubt onto the 40 day Jesus temptation story?
Looks that way!
Thanks Lent, guilt, brain, Jesus, doubt.
Well who tells the story then?

Oh My Gosh !!!
Do you see what I'm doing??
I am trying to make excuses and blame everything else and everyone else!!
Shifting your attention from my shortcomings to Jesus and his temptation story that started this whole Lent thing anyway???
Thanks Lent, guilt, brain, Jesus, doubt, excuses.



Reasonable Doubt


So anyway, am I so far from perfect that I can challenge the Bible and not write my alloted posts with no repercussions?
You know it.
Will I have to account for my bizarre attitude on my lent failure when I get to heaven?
You know it..... and that is only reasonable.

Thanks for being here.