Monday, March 20, 2017

Traveling is for the Brave

Well I am back home all safe and sound from the trip of stress.
(Fretting about the Trip)
It is amazing how so many awful things and so many pleasant things can share the same weekend because life is like the weather these days...it is totally unpredictable.
Like the random way Philadelphia people use their horns.
Randomly = All The Time!
Not always AT you but you're never sure because they surround you.
My son says that they are not mad at all, that the horn for Philadelphia residents is just one of the main tools for driving.
They don't think about "Come on get going", "I gotta get to work" or "What's the hold up?", they verbalize those sentiments with their horns.
It would seem to me that the car horn in Philadelphia has a very large vocabulary and speaks as many as 6 languages.

Back to the trip.

Not having Scrooge McDuck rooms full of money to play in, my husband and I had to fly economy class.
Well. no, that is too nice.
We flew in 'the economy is dead so you could be walking this trip so get over it class'.
What we paid for were the very last two seats of the plane which were smaller than the other economy seats (I measured), they did not recline (I tried), had no window (I looked), no moveable arm rests (I wrestled and pushed) and we were one thin sheet of aluminum and some textured wallpaper away from the giant loud, screachy, vibrating engine that is tacked on to the back of the plane with duck tape (I can only guess) but I had no window of my own so I couldn't really know for sure but I tried to look and be sure when I peaked through the window of the lady in front of me, which was not really helpful because she had big hair and all I could see was the front 4 inches of the engine but that is a good thing because it prevented me from watching the tragedy that would occur if said engine decided to fall off in mid flight (It didn't).
I sat there pondering my situation while we waited for maintenance to fix the phones the flight attendants use to talk to each other which took 40 minutes of buckled in can't go anywhere waiting because my husband and I are right next to one of the repairmen.


Flight Phone Fixer Upper Guy

This was AFTER waiting 40 minutes in the terminal for our flight hasn't arrived yet delay.
They finally finished and we took off.
Then came the turbulence.
THE ENTIRE FLIGHT.
I spent 80 longer than normal minutes white knuckling the back of the seat in front of me, making the seat occupant extremely nervous while holding on to my barf bag and praying that the trip was almost over now....NOW....How 'bout NOW?!
I have been seasick before and that is the worst kind of nausea compared to everything.
Well I was in a high seas AirBoat, wondering if I really loved anybody so much as to endure this plane ride.

I do.

Barely.


One of the people I love enough to go through this flight.

And did I mention...
The turbulence lasted THE ENTIRE FLIGHT!
Sheesh.


Barf Bag. Maybe She Will. Maybe She Won't.

I could barely walk off the plane.
Heck, I could barely walk for the next 4 hours.
No more cheap seats for me.
My husband sat supportive but unfazed and fine through out the whole nightmare.
I don't want to talk about that.
So unless you have rooms full of money or a steel stomach, maybe a nice drive with a loud horn will get you where you need to be.

Thanks for being here.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

What's Up With Cats?

Cats.
They are either adored or despised for the most part.
I, however, am on the fence about them.
They, like us humans, have good points and bad points.
But MY cats actually have no point, except to be adorable and remind me every minute of every day that I am in THEIR kingdom and need to be aware of that fact in every one of those minutes.
For example:
Today I was refilling the cat dish with dry cat food.
As per usual.
For some reason both my cats will immediately come running when they hear the food pinging against the glass bowl, but it is the exact same food that has been in the dish since 1 minute ago.
The dish was not even m o s t l y empty.
It was, by any human estimation, m o s t l y full.
I was just topping it off.
The one cat, Meow-meow, came running and ate with wild abandon.
As a starving cat might do.
The other cat, Mongo, ate a bit and then went back to her sleeping spot like it was really no big deal and she was doing me a favor by pretending the food was worthy of her sniff.
Point of the story is that I leave to put up some laundry, gone for 4 minutes max, come back and step in something squishy.
Meow-meow had thrown up a huge pile of scarfed up, undigested cat food.
What the heck?
Was I mad?
Kinda...because I stepped in it and...
Yes...because I now had another mess to clean up and...
No...because I can totally relate.
I know you know what I mean because we have all just survived Girl Scout Cookie season.
You get a box of your favorites and open them with the intention of eating 3 maybe 4 cookies at the most because they have to last till next season, but the next thing you know there are only 2 cookies left in the sleeve and you might as well eat those because they will just get stale.
What has just happened?
I just behaved like a cat.
Without the puke and run sequence.
That is why I am on the fence.
Cats drive me crazy but they so get me.
And you are not gonna believe this, but as I type this sentence, I can hear Meow-meow back at her food dish, crunching and chomping away, trying to fill up the empty tummy she just created.
I gotta find her a job.

Thank-you for being here.


Mongo and Meow-meow on top of the warm dryer wondering if the bowl of cat food is really as full as it gets.