Monday, September 19, 2016

The camera adds...

Vacation was fabulous!
That sentence implies fun, relaxation!
Except no.
No pictures.
Except of wildlife, other nature things, some family and of course the grand baby.


The above grandbaby vacation photo is unaltered and authentic.
No flaws in the picture.
No flaws in real life.

Some people just have the gift of being photogenic.

But as the human body ages, strange things start happening.
At least in my human body.
Deep, long untanned lines appear in random places.
The cellulite population runs amok and completely spawns a new universe on the thighs and arms.
Hairs begin to grow arbitrarily and instantly in places you once thought were safe.
Cookies, from days gone by, that needed to be enjoyed right then with a cold glass of milk now reside right under the mammary glands who have both agreed to retire to the sunny southern hemisphere of the body and be neighborly with the resident cookies.
And all these badges of aging show up in bright, living, noticeable color on the vacation pictures.
Every dadgum one of them.
Every one.
Hollywood says the camera adds 10 pounds.
iPhone camera's add anywhere from 10-55 pounds.
Give or take.
Mostly give.

For example:

This is an iPhone photo of an 6lb. 11 inch long Lobster.

Just kidding.
It's a crawdad that is 3 inches most... and probably weighs 1 ounce.
M a y b e an ounce and a half soaking wet.

THAT is what vacation pictures do!
Every time people!
.....and you thought I was gonna show you a real vacation picture of myself.
You guys crack me up!
Maybe one day.
But today is not that day!
Since you guys are so good to me and keep reading my blog....

What a great vacation!

Thank-you snapchat.
Thank-you family.
Thank-you for loving each other just like we are.
Weirdness and all!!

Thanks for being here!