Wednesday, January 27, 2016

My Dog is Possibly Cooler Than Your Dog.

It would seem that this blog is called Graceful Grandma for a reason and that I most likely should, would, could blog about grandmotherly things.
But my grandson is fabulous most all of the time and it has been a good day when I can send him home happy and alive regardless of the laws of nature we shunned, the dangerous places on earth we naively explored and the junk food we consumed.
So what I'm saying is that while my grandmotherly escapades are delightful, they aren't always exciting enough to be shared with other humans or written about in a blog post.
Well, my life in general should rarely be shared with other humans or written about in a blog post, but here we are.
We don't always get what we want, but sometimes we get more than we figured on.
This post is about Baxter, my rescued Boxer dog.
Sweetest most loyal dog ever to be loved but dumb as a rock, any rock.
He is a dog that is fluent in excitement which translates into: fast running, full body snuggling, complete suction sniffing, jumping randomly like a gazelle, vigorous bum wiggling and especially....consuming mass quantities of food.
Wherever and whenever he can find it.
Take 2 days ago for example.
On the daily walk that I take with my dogs we found a ham bone.
Well, there was no 'we'.
It was all Baxter.
In the woods.
No where near a home... or garbage can.
I am pretty sure it was a store bought hambone and not remnants of a roadkill cause it appeared to have the blade marks from where it was spirally sliced and unless I'm completely out of the wilderness loop, coyotes have not yet learned to hold a knife let alone slice pork.
But you be the judge.

Mystical Hambone of the Forest.

Baxter would not let loose of the bone.
He carried it for the entire walk.
Taunted the other dog Eva with it, but would not let it go.
...Until it was time to go home...
He dropped the coveted bone only because I 'ewwwwwwed' loudly, said "No Baxter" and told him 'he could not take it home where it would get ham grease all over the rug'.
Well, that was what I told him, but what he understood was, and this is a rough translation " My mama hates this bone right now so I will leave it here in the woods till later so she will snuggle with me and feed me mass quantities of food"
Thinking that the bone would disappear overnight in the mouth of some other carnivore, we came home.
...And the next day...
We go walking again.
The bone is still here!
I then pick up the icky bone and throw it in the creek so the smell will go down stream and the crawdads can nibble it.
It is now down under moving water about 16-18 inches.
Baxter will never find it or be able to get it.
The walk begins.
Barely 1/10th of a mile into the walk here comes wet Baxter, ham bone in his mouth, running, jumping, laughing and singing in dog language because he rescued his beloved bone and can now add 'mer-dog' to his list of accomplishments.
He apparently sniffed out the location of the bone, held his dog breath and submerged his dog head completely to get that dadgum bone which is no less remarkable than if he had put on a doggy scuba suit and retrieved his treasure all Jacque Cousteau style.
That is totally amazing, awesome and weird to me.
The awful yet tantalizing bone was happily carried once more through out the entire walk.
I did not mind a bit.
I was actually kind of proud.
I let him keep the nasty thing, since it had been 'washed' and all and even let him bring it home where he chewed on it till it broke and splintered and I threw it away...into double bags and then put the bags in the BIG trashcan out in the garage.
The bone is now out of Baxters reach......Maybe....I have underestimated him before....
He was still noticeably pleased with himself and his day.
I was still proud.
Thats my fish dog.

Happy Baxter with his Hambone.

Thanks for being here.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Halloween All Throughout the Year.

Halloween is a much celebrated holiday for lots of folks in America.
My own family adores the dress up, the death inspired decorations and the opportunity to scream frequently and loudly with no one giving you weird looks.
Being scared on Halloween is a given.
It is expected.
It is also very overrated and I'll tell you why.
Being scared terrifies me.
To my nuclei.
No scary movies, no fireside ghost stories, no seances for me, not even the hiding behind doors and popping out.
But despite being the diva of dread I live in a haunted house.
Every day.
My house is haunted not because Indians used to wander on my property and their ancestors have the right to haunt any person, place or thing in America that they want...
but because I live with animals.
Several animals in fact and they consider it their job to embrace Halloween for the other 364 days.
They have the gift.
So if you crave a perpetual foreboding feeling or enjoy a daily near death experience, then by all means go to your nearby shelter and adopt yourself a cat or dog!
You can expect things like:
-Doors that eerily open by themselves all through the house even when there is no breeze or even an open window because things that lurk in the shadows think it will get your attention. It does.
-Spooky odd thumpings or scraping sounds on the walls and floors coming from wherever you are not, that stop only when you get the courage to look for the source.
-Strange moans and groans as well as an occasional high pitched whine, usually noticable only when you're all alone or when every other human is sleeping...hopefully just sleeping.
-Stumbling upon horrifying piles of what looks like slimy, grassy ectoplasm deposited frequently in the middle of human walkways so that there is no mistaking the fact that you are not alone.
-Finding objects on the floor that were not there a minute ago such as pens, cell phones or half finished cups of coffee, because the underworld is in short supply of these things and the floor is the last barrier to finishing off an undead's shopping list.
-Dogs that intensely stare out of windows while sustaining a low growl any time of day or night and you can't see anything unusual except the gas station that is 5 miles away because you are so creeped out and your eyes are so enlarged that you will probably have laser vision for the next 10 minutes.
-Cats that walk calmly by you as you eat your cereal, then suddenly try to scramble and run in speeds up to Mach 4, but their furry feet get no traction on the hardwood floor so they frantically skitter and slide and bump into things before they hastily disappear who knows where and they have left you to die because they will not share their hiding place and there is obviously something terrifying in your house this very minute !!
-Thrashing and swatting blindly at your face and pillows in the night after waking up to a phantasmal fuzzy intrusion that stops only after you wake up in a nightmare panic. Then after you turn on the light and find no intruder the spirit will return as soon as you drift off to sleep again to torment you with another vexing velvety nose kiss of doom. This incident is usually accompanied by a soft etherial noise strangely similar to purring and your heart that is beating so hard you could do push-ups with no hands.
-Food will go missing off counter tops and tables. You will find lick marks in the butter as well as evidence that the garbage can has been inspected for the last crumb or delicacy inside. But as hungry as these kinds of specters are, they are not hungry enough to learn how to open the fridge or manifest their hauntings when you are actually IN the kitchen with food.
-Barking frantically at the ceiling when there are no visitors, mailmen or squirrels visible and then calmly circling the rug and relaxing not realizing that instead of scaring away any poltergeist, the unseen have now been attracted to the noise are aware of our dwelling and my enormous goosebumps.

These heart stopping, breath holding, nerve wracking events happen without warning at any time of day or night regardless of the season and keep us humans who live here vigilant to our self preservation life style.
Living with animals is not for the faint of heart.


Thanks for being here.

I would love to hear of the mysterious things that happen at YOUR house!


My sister made this meme for me after she read my post.
It is too accurate not to share.....

"I don't always think it is the animals.....
So stay scared my friend, stay scared."