Thursday, October 31, 2019

A Shark By Any Other Name...

Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo....

Is it me or have humans lost their dadgum minds?
And not just from a cute kids song that says in our mind all day.
In so many situations we, as a human species, don't know what to do in a certain situation so we think death is the answer.
Why the heck is that our go to solution?
Interstellar aliens in your city?
Kill them!
Animals smart enough to escape the zoo?
Shoot them!
Healthcare that is crazy expensive?
Expendable humans!
Sharks minding their own business swimming in their ocean tasting a human?
Kill them!
And since we're not sure we have the right toothy perpetrator, how about killing all the sharks in the area because we can even though they are just doing sharky type things?
We have to murder them or at least annihilate something to show we are protecting human life instead of just telling people, DO NOT SWIM IN THIS AREA!!!!!!

What got my dander up was the following article about an attack in Australia.
*** Shark Article. ***
If you don't want to read it, and like for real, who has that kind of time, it is about two guys who got bit in Australia and then local 'authorities' and that is a generous title, killed 6 sharks because 6 starts with the letter s, like shark, which makes no sense either, so I'll stop.

We all saw this same weird death resolution thing happen in the movie JAWS.
Sharks were killed out the wazoo but not the shark.
It scared the bajeebus out of us but didn't change our slaughtering tendencies.
So we keep doing the same thing?
Everyone knows that inspiring quote:
"If you want things to change then keep acting like a goob"
Pretty sure I made that up.
But shark execution makes me sooooo angry!

There is a balance in nature and humans have a great track record of throwing things off balance.
We just keep doing stuff like we have things figured out, but we don't.
We are guessing.
Every dadgum decision we make is basically a guess.
A guess!!
Some are more educated guesses than others but they are still guesses.
So maybe we should stop trying to be know-it-alls and treat the world and everything in it with a bit of care and kindness.
All things are here for a reason.
We may not know the reason...YET, but there IS a reason.
A REASON!

Ok.
I'm done now.
I had to get this chunk of stupid 'news' out of my brain and share it with you because a person can only carry around so much stupid every day without going crazy.
Well, crazier.


Thanks for being here.


Family shark video.
Sharks feeding right where we were swimming the day before.
Doing sharky things.
Ummm....
















Monday, October 14, 2019

It's Kinda Bugging Me.

Insects.
Who doesn't enjoy watching a butterfly float on the breeze or a cute little lady bug scurrying around a leaf ?
Who among us has marveled at flickering fireflies over a fresh cut yard on a long summer evening?
Who learned about death while using a friends magnifying glass on an ant hill at high noon and in the same day spent the late afternoon attempting to squash mosquitos on itchy, bumpy legs that were already feasted on by the tiny blood filled biological devil drones?
Me. That's who.
This love/hate relationship with bugs will never cease.
Think about it...
No don't.
According to the Smithsonian Institution there are approximately 200 MILLION insects for each human on the planet.
Yeah, I said it; 200 million, 200,000,000, TWO HUNDRED MILLION.
They are so dadgum prevelant in this world that the following pic of my mostly finished breakfast proves that it is inevitable that you or I or anyone else in the world will eat a bug this week.


Bug body part.

Was this bug leg included in my cereal or is this all that is left of it?
Why does this post make you/me want to hurl?
Humans in other countries eat bugs all the time.
I do too apparently.
Don't know if the bug part is a bee leg from the honey I used, the remains of an entire creature or just a leg that fell off with a snap, crackle, plop into my cereal while circling a light at the processing plant?
All the options are queasy ones and yet I'm still blogging about it!
I am a menace to human sensibilities.
BUT...
I am a realist.
It is inevitable.
This is me just helping humanity ease itself into the bug eating future with actual evidence that bugs are every-freaking-where.
I share this post with you because I care.
About you.
About insects.
About food.
Bugs are everywhere.
Inside and out.

Thanks for being here.

P.S. No I did not eat the leg...At least that one.

P.S.S. I have eaten bugs at other points in my life and lived to blog about it.
See this post.
"Ate a Moth Today...or...Cereal with Benefits".


Closer view of bug leg in my cereal.

Thursday, October 3, 2019

I Will Kidney Stone You!

There are all kinds of maladies in life.
Some are inconvenient, like ringworm, pink eye or having gas.
Some are annoying, like a paper cut, hangnail or having a husband with gas.
BUT SOME ARE FREAKING PAINFUL!
Like a kidney stone.
I had my very first stone experience yesterday.
For hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours.
Yes, 18 hours of complete and total suffering.
No sleeping, no comfort, no eating or drinking.
No anything except enduring.
I kept thinking things would get better, but no.
NO!
After a few hours of misery I beg to be taken to the Emergency Room, because that's where the drugs are.
They take your blood, your information, all your money and then give you some of their heavily guarded drugs because you are telling them you are in level 10 pain and about to spew on some shiny $150 Medical Professional Dansko shoes which is just not good.
So after a CT scan, the Emergency Room folks tell me there are 2 moving stones!
Not 1 but 2 freaking stones trying to leave my body because I had grown them so large you could make jewelry with them and they had to get out and be worshipped.
The Dr. said the stones were 7 millimeters and 8 millimeters which in 'American' measuring is huge and really huge.
He also said they were chasing each other down my ureter, which in 'Not-a-doctor' speak, is kidney tube that is made not big enough to be having kidney stones of any size racing around.
If you have never had a kidney stone then God loves you more than me and you are going to heaven.
If you have had one then you know for sure that there is a hell because you were at the gate and it is a vile thing.
So the drugs kick in and you think you might be alright and just when you begin to have hope again...the stones move.
Not just move but zoom to some arbitrary point in my renal system with Freddy Krueger gloves and Edward Scissorhand brand tennis shoes shredding up everything on the way.
The terror, the violence, the nausea, the pain, the complete helplessness.
I have heard the phrase "I will cut you" when people want to be threatening.
Threatening with the promise of pain.
That would, should and does scare me.
No doubt!
But please 'cut' me before you threaten me with " I will Kidney Stone you!"
It is absolutely grievous and dreadful and to be feared above most everything.
I am better now though and wanted to let my readers know they should drink LOTS of water every day so you all can avoid this unbidden body violence.

Thanks for being here.

P.S. Did I forget to mention that I still have a 6 millimeter stone in my kidney. So I really had 3 stones that meant me harm. The Dr. was kind enough to tell me the 6mm one could stay in the kidney forever or it could dislodge whenever it felt like it - because it is a crazy, evil beyotch.
Not really. He said everything up to the last 7 words of the previous sentence.
P.S.S. So I am basically a walking time bomb. It's the not knowing that is the trouble.
No, not really again. It is the fear of the pain that is the trouble.
No, not really again x2. It's both.


Cute baby cow that doesn't have kidney stones.





Monday, July 1, 2019

Carbing It Up...

Carbs.
Yummy, delicious carbs!
Pasta, bread, beans, doughnuts, rice, chocolate etc. etc. etc.
Where I am in my life, geographically and physically, is a place that is FILLED with folks on the Keto Diet.
Maybe you have heard of it?
If not please Google it and find out that Google has millions of ideas for the best way to Keto diet.
But in a nut shell, it is a diet where carbohydrates are the devil.
(Carbohydrates = sugar and starches)
A person on this diet will eat lots of meat and a short list of everything else in the world that contain few or zero tantalizing carbohydrates.
And people around me are definitely losing weight.
And I am happy for them.
Glad they found something they enjoy.
Or do they enjoy it?
In my fluffy, food and carb loving mind, I'm not sure that it sounds appealing.
There are just too many delectable cookies in the world that need my approval!
I have been slim.
But only because food was scarce and I was poor.
It is not ideal.
Things are different now.
Phew.
So let's get on with the snacking!
Plus, the attitude I have right now towards a whole lot, but not all, of humanity is: who am I going to impress by being trim?
I am a gray haired woman with no sexy accent and very little cash money.
That makes me basically invisible.
So do I really need to work hard at choosing what I consume to impress people who rarely impress me?
I would actually like to see if something so easy would work for me as effectively as it has for everyone else, because with each passing year, a person such as myself becomes a 'fluff' magnet and even looking at recipes will add several ounces, but, I am also a vegetarian and the thought of screaming, bloody, then dead animals to satisfy my vanity does not in any way persuade me to become a size 6.

No meat for me thank you.
No mashed potatoes for me, but wait...
No cookies, NOOOoooooo.
So now what?

No diet!!

No apologies!

I like what I like.
I do what I do.
I eat what is delicious.

Carb. It. Up!

I am healthy, mostly happy and take no meds.
There are no applications for space travel, no riding a horse in the Kentucky Derby, no desire to live in a tiny house and no inclination to spend vast amounts of hard earned money for a new skinny person wardrobe on my bucket list.
So let's get on with life!

Enjoy some good food!
Laugh, play, eat, work, have a cup of tea, laugh again, send a love letter and then eat some more food because it's yummy.

Thanks for being here



Carbohydrate Assortment



Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Do I have to......?

Life is hard.
But is it THIS hard?...


Too much effort?

Again, life is hard and there is no one, except humans under the age of 5, who would argue with that statement.
When you are 5 years old, you are loud enough to scream about anything that bothers you and helpless enough to get all the humans older than you to tackle your most frustrating to do or not to do list.
So when us older people have an issue with something, we don't scream, we just make sure the rest of humanity KNOWS we are upset.
We use curse words.
We lay on the horn.
We get on Twitter.
We act like babies thinking someone will fix things for us.
AND
We refuse to walk 7 extra steps to put a cart in the cart corral.
WE??
Do I have a mouse in my pocket?
No.
Talking mostly about the person that constructed this picture.
Seriously.
Listen lazy human:
I understand that you just got done walking about 3 miles through an entirely too large grocery store to find Frosted Flakes and Spam which drained you sooo entirely that walking the cart to it's place, 7 steps behind your car, was not an option. Your blown out ankles could never make it, so you just push it to the side of your car, saving 3 steps because you already did the world a favor by spending your money at this particular store which OWES you many favors anyway because you graced it with your presence.
WE GET IT!
You are telling the world, "I don't have to". Loud and clear.
You're an adult, numerically at least.
Life is hard and you don't feel any obligation to put things back in their place.
It's not your parking lot or your shopping cart or your job to be nice.
But there it is.
Be nice.
Being nice is NOT hard.
Your thoughtlessness affected at least 3 people.
1) The person who has to collect the carts strewn about a 4 acre parking lot.
2) The person who wanted to park in the place where you dumped your cart but can't because your cart is in the way.
3) And me. Watching schmuckiness manifest itself on a lovely summer day and wondering if I had shopped longer would the wind have shifted the cart into my headlight?

It didn't.

I just needed to vent.

Most people are nice and I am glad to know you, or at least know you're out there.

Thank you for being here.
Be nice.
Please.
Take the extra steps.
It's easy.



One of those days...

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Caturday. Flavored Water?

Meow Meow is an indoor cat.
Through and through.
Meow Meow hates the outdoors.

Or does she?

I caught her drinking from the bird bath recently and had to get a pic.
She could absolutely care less about birds, gardens or fresh air and she has a full water bowl in the house, but for some reason a sparkling birdbath with a hint of feather flavor was irresistible.



New species of catbird in the garden.




"What?" "Who me?"
Meow Meow on the birdbath.

Just made me smile so I thought I would share.

Thanks for being here.


Monday, May 6, 2019

Everyone has a creeper. No, not that kind.

Hello cherished readers.
Depending on your age you will read the title of this post and think many things.
But....
I am not a mechanic so I don't have that kind of creeper.
My hands and thoughts are no where near my privates so it's not that kind of creeper.
No botanist here so this isn't about vine type growing plants that, you know, creep.
And I am not a feline so there is no creeping up on unsuspecting chipmunks, ankles or sleeping dogs.
BUT...
Old Age IS a creeper.
And it is any kind of creeper you want to think it is!
It is a sneaky bugger and as a human I am oblivious to my own susceptibility to the creeping habits of Old Age.
The last 3 days I have felt ancient, old and decrepit.
Which is apropos because I am on vacation in the oldest city in the USA.
It is my dang holiday and things w e r e going good.
Good food, good place to stay, good weather, nice bike rides and walks on the beach.
Then..... KABLOOIE.
Please, just let me lay on the sofa for 6 hours.
Please, just let me go back to bed and take 3 naps.
What.
The.
Heck?
It's like Old Age has been stalking me for days and days just lurking in the shadows until I least expect it...
Then Old Age POUNCES!
Takes me down.
Lets me know who the boss is and who is in control.
And I submit because, dadgummit, I AM old and have no choice but to surrender to the takedown skills that Old Age has honed through the centuries.
Sheesh.
I thought I was strong.
I thought I was healthy and reasonably fit.
I went down like a baby.
My body is feeling a tiny bit younger today and mostly ready to finish this post the rest of my fun vacation like a once upon a time 40 year old.
No, 50 year old.
No....
Nevermind.
Keep moving.
Nothing to see here.
----
I can do this.
You can do this.
We can do this.
Just let Old Age THINK it has the upper hand.
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Go with the flow.
Stay slippery with sunblock or tanning lotion, get wet from some beach and/or pool water, keep greasy from all the delicious fried vacation food because according to my illogical logic, it will keep Old Age from getting a grip on you!

This shall be the plan.


Vines That Creep but are Not Creepy.

Thanks for being here.

Saturday, April 13, 2019

Caturday. Taxes.

Taxes don't you just love to pay taxes?
Who doesn't?
Giving a mostly ineffectual government 25-30% of our hard earned dollars to spend even more ridiculously than I can?
Who needs to pay rent?
Who needs 3 meals a day?
Who needs candy necklaces to munch on during the afternoon nap time slump?
Who needs pet food so the domesticated wildlife we bring into our homes can remain happy and loyal?
No one, I say, No one!
Well..... except Mongo.
Mongo, the cat who finds the box of receipts, pay stubs and various other tax necessities a comfortable place to vent her irritation that more of the families money is being shared with the government and NOT on more cat treats, cat food, comfy cat beds and cat pleasantries.
A cat who is bravely trying to prevent more financial leakage.
Her quiet tax protest is just adorable.
After all, we still have 2 more days.
2 more days!?
Cats.
Echoing the human/cat sentiment of "I'm supposed to do...what...when?"
"Silly humans."


Mongo. Financial Advisor.


Have a lovely almost tax day weekend.

Thanks for being here.

Friday, March 1, 2019

Art and Death.

If you listen to the news in any media, then you are undoubtedly aware that EVERYTHING will end you or at least try to.
Our very existence on this planet is a miracle and since 'the other side' is a mystery, I was mesmerized by the following blog that powerfully exhibits aspects of death in artfully hewn grave markers as well as the resulting stone carved emotions of those left behind, in a collection of posted photographs.
It somehow offers a bit of solace.

European Cemeteries.

The Europeans definitely take cemeteries to a whole other level and this blog shares that with readers.

All the blog authors' pics are magnificent.
All of them.
The photographer, Martin Seigling, has the ability to blend his camera work and his subject matter smoothly and empathetically.

The beauty.
The skill.
The interpretations of death.
The pain of loss.

But one of the grave monuments in the most recent blog post made me catch my breath and I had to share it.

Tell me what YOU think.


European-cemeteries.blogspot.com
Death is grabbing him and this guy is pushing him away!

He will NOT face death.
Won't even make eye contact.



European-cemeteries.blogspot.com
His face is silent, strong and perfectly obstinate.

This guy was NOT having it.
Death was going to have to work hard for this one.

Thank you Martin Siegling for posting.

A Satchel Paige quote came to mind when I saw this:
"Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."

Thank you for being here.
Carpe Diem

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Who is the wild animal?

There are 4 dogs in my house.
2 big ones and 2 little ones.
They get along just fine and besides being dogs and doing dog things they also have the heritage of being descended from wolves.
What a noble heritage it is!
Also, what a scary heritage it is.
Somewhere deep in their DNA they have the desire to run free, the need to chase things and the ability to bite my face off.
Thank goodness they like a good back scratch and occasional treat more than listening to their mostly buried instincts.
But the point is, and I seem to always take the distracted way of getting to that point, is that they have super sensitive hair and if they don't see me and I touch them to give them a pet, they jump.
I don't intentionally mean to startle them, but it does amuse me.

Because I am a doofus and not a dog.

Their sensitive reaction puzzles me too because I have NEVER ever hit my dogs.
They get verbally scolded and/or squirted with water when there is a 4 dog ear splitting bark frenzy in the middle of a phone conversation, but hitting a dog was, is and never will be considered.
Like I have mentioned in past posts, dogs are a gift and we really don't deserve them.
But it always tickles me that they are startled by humans.
We make them nervous?
Uummm...remember the wolf relatives?
I don't recall reading about any humans that chased wolves for fun or bit wolves or hid behind trees to scare them.
Humans are scary though.


Baxter the Boxer

This morning when I bent down to pet Baxter the Boxer as he relaxed after breakfast, his whole body jumped in surprise when I reached over the chair to pet him.
He is 90 pounds of pure muscle and pointy teeth but my elderly, hippie, pajama clad self surprised him so suddenly that I felt bad and had to apologize pet him.
Then I giggled quietly like the silly human I am.
I mentioned earlier that it amuses me but then I feel guilty.
I forget that sometimes dogs sleep or daydream and are occasionally NOT in tune to every smell, rumble, noise, footstep and squirrel chitter from 50 feet away and that I should BACK OFF and keep my hands to myself!
Such a daft human.
The dogs though, still act like I am the dominant animal of their group.
That assumption on their part however is completely flawed.
The ONLY thing I can dominate is cookies fresh out of the oven.
Dogs are the ones that should be on pedestals.

My humblest apologies to the canine community for my need to touch you and love on you and snuggle you.
You are all F A B U L O U S !!!!!
Humans, not so much.
We homos sapiens are the wild animals.
We are the species that needs to be domesticated and work at becoming enthusiastic examples of unconditional love.

Thank you dogs for your presence in the world!

Thank you for being here.


One of these things is not like the others.

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Eva.



I found out today that my sweet dog has cancer.
How do you process something like that and remain a workable human?

Eva has been a gentle gift from the moment we decided we needed her in our family.

I don't deserve her.

My brain cringes with guilt over the times I scolded her to hurry up or to get out of the way or to stop begging for snacks.
What was the hurry?
Why didn't 'I' get out of the way?
And who ever in the world can have to many snacks?
Eva never goes far from home.
Eva worries about the other dogs in the family and lets me know if one of them is still outside or stuck behind some other closed door.
When we take our daily hike, Eva waits patiently for any stragglers before she continues on the path.

Did I mention I don't deserve her?

Eva weighs 104 pounds and tries to do things that she sees the little dogs doing.
Eva tries to be a good girl in everything we ask of her.
Eva doesn't push her way out or in the door.
Eva has never trampled her way to her food dish and will wait patiently for her bowl of boring, every day the same, dog food.

Have I told you I don't deserve her?

Eva loves a good scratch around the ears.
Eva loves to swim on hot days.
Eva loves a nice walk in the woods.
Eva loves me.
Eva loves most everyone unconditionally.
Eva loves our family and her giant wagging tail lets us know she does whenever we make eye contact or join her where she is.
Eva could easily bite our faces off, but chooses daily to refrain, thus making her one awesome creation.

Eva is the best of the best.

I have never deserved anything as precious as she is, but am ever so grateful for the grace of the world that gave me such a gift.

The doctor says except for the fast growing mass, she is healthy right now.
Sheesh.
How is that fair?
But I guess it also means that she still has time to play and run and eat scrambled eggs and squeeze out some good times while consuming copious amounts of dog snacks and then opt for a bit of sleeping after some slow easy belly rubs.

Eva totally, completely and in every other way deserves every good thing.
The challenge is before us.
Together we will will bark at the darkness.

Thanks for being here.


Eva


Fun times with Eva


Saturday, January 12, 2019

Caturday Post. Lava.


"This is the only safe surface right now, hurry I know the way!"

Cats don't like to lay on clutter free cleaned off surfaces.
A cat has to be on something added too or covering any household surface.
There is the primary surface such as the floor, the table, the counter.
There is the secondary surface such as anything that is on top of the primary surface.
Examples:
A jacket that fell off the hook and onto the floor.
Empty boxes. Size or place does not matter.
Books, magazines or newspapers sitting on the kitchen table, that you are possibly even in the middle of reading.
Computer keyboards that you are possibly even using.
Sheets you just took off the bed and were going to immediately put in the washer once you got the pillow cases off but now you can't do anything because the cat is curled up adorably and sleeping like an angel in like the last 47 seconds so you have to do something else while she gets a nap, like make the bed with other sheets from the linen closet, but you really don't want to do that because then you will have to fold the cleaned sheets that the cat is sleeping on now instead of taking them out of the dryer and putting them straight on your bed, thus, making the delay in the laundry timeline thrown off causing the sheet washing to NOT be finished in time for making a clean bed by bedtime because by 8:00pm even brushing your teeth is exhausting and making the bed then is equivalent to attempting a 12,000 foot mountain hike in winter, wearing only flip flops. Thank-you, NO.

Not even one cat hair will be touching the primary surface, because every cat seems to think that the primary surface is lava and only the secondary surface supports feline life as we know it and is safe to inhabit.

It's probably true.
I remember playing the lava game and jumping from chair to sofa to chair to sofa...repeat 697 times.
The floor was completely avoided due to the threat of a fiery death until a parental unit heard you and your sister laughing loudly and told you to "Cut it out this minute!" and you did till you heard the parent walk away and then you tried it a few more times until your mostly quiet combined sisterly snickering kept escalating and the punisher came back and threatened 'NO TV FOR A WEEK!'
Lava game over.
For this day...

Cats don't care.
Viva la Lava!
Life is a game to a cat.
All day every day!
Every surface must be tested, dominated and tried out by a cat.
I haven't even mentioned when cats join you while you are sleeping and you wake up coughing because the cat thought that your neck and face were comfortable, warm and lava free.
Purrrrrrr.

Thanks for being here.

P.S. I blame my cat on the condition of my house. There is stuff on every surface so that my cats won't stress about the lava.

Yeah, that's it!