Friday, May 20, 2016

Bumper Sticker Wisdom.

The other day I saw this bumper sticker :

When the Power of Love Overcomes the Love of Power the World Will Know Peace

Awesome sentiment I thought.
But Jimi Hendrix?
Well, actually, yes.
Apparently 2 other guys were quoted as saying something like this before Mr. Hendrix.
William Gladstone and Sri Chinmoy Ghose, but all 3 thoughtful men said it with their own take on it.
Like if I said, "87 years ago our male founders, some strong brave women, a few dogs and heavy use of firearms brought forth....."
We all know that I'm not teaching history, being scholarly, or making a bumpersticker, but quoting Abraham Lincoln in my own way (and trying to give a wider perspective of credit for creating America).
That's what this bumper sticker is.
The yellow smart car bumper sticker is awesome because it states trueness and because of Jimi Hendrix.
He had gifts that few before or since had, so it is logical that he would say cool stuff.
I do not have Jimi's gifts or any presidential influence.
My bumper stickers would say :
"Where's my phone?"
"If you're behind me, then I win!"
"Don't even think about passing me!"
"Sharks need love too."
"Be nice to people...and sharks."
"Dinosaurs rule ruled!"
That is my depth of thought on most days.
You would know it was me when you read it.
So I have a deep appreciation for folks that can state the obvious in a cool and succinct way.
Some of the others I have seen but didn't get a pic of are:
"Jesus is coming....Look busy"
"Squirrel. The other white meat."

What are some of your favorite bumper stickers?

Thanks for being here.

Bonus bumper sticker :

"Squirrels. Natures Little Speedbumps"

(It would seem that squirrels are a popular bumpersticker theme around here)

Monday, May 2, 2016


Those little bits of paper that prove you worked up the courage to venture out into the cold cruel world and spend your cold hard cash.
They make me crazy.
You have to keep them for like a million years and they keep taking up more and more space doing their job.
This post exists because I needed some cheese.
Not some artisan, imported, fancy schmancy cheese.
Just sliced cheese.
The kind that we used to use when we would make regular old grilled cheese sandwiches to eat with our tomato soup for lunch.
Back when the earth's crust was still cooling apparently.
Now everything is a specialty item or complicated and healthy.
And I mean everything.
Receipts included.
Well, receipts aren't healthy particularly unless shredded receipt paper is a favorite salad topping, but they have become complicated.
They tell you:
-what you bought,
-how many you bought,
-how much you paid,
-how much you saved,
-total items purchased,
-what day of the week you bought it on,
-the time of day you bought it - down to minutes and seconds,
-the name of the store you bought it at,
-the store address,
-the store phone number,
-the store managers name,
-the cashiers name,
-how many children they each have to feed because that is the only reason they are even working at this store,
-the store motto,
-the complete history of retail and it's accomplishments all the way back to the industrial revolution
a n d
-how many points I have now earned on my quest to earn more of the points that I never knew I collected or have never been rewarded by anyway.
This information makes the receipt about 40 feet long.
Where am I supposed to stuff this colossal flattened forest remnant?
Take a deep breath and count to
No problem really.
I have adapted...except when the receipt is given to me in the same handful as my change.
What do they think I am supposed to do?
Just drop this giant wad of money, receipt paper and coins in the Halloween pillow case I must now carry because my purse can't hold all this mess?
Heaven forbid they give me enough time to put the change into it's slotted section of my wallet THEN fold up the 40 foot snake of a receipt separately while the people behind me are shuffling their slippers and sighing loudly because they actually remembered to bring their Halloween pillow case to this event.
I would have less stuff to carry if we were back with the Barter System.
" Yes Ma'am, your change comes to a salt block and 2 goldfish that we can just drop down in your apron pockets if that's alright, and you have a nice day!"
When I pay the store, I don't hand them 35 different things and expect it to be dropped in the drawer and counted later.
I gave the store time to count and separate everything but I get handed a handful of stuff and a 'Scoot on out of here' attitude in return.
It's the cash isn't it?
Cash is so last year.
But I can't help it.
When I use plastic, I spend a lot more.
The stores know this and they hate me.
Well, I'm pretty sure they hate everyone.
They only love money.
So to show consumers their interpretation of love and their desire to see us again they give us a Christmas tree garland size, humongus receipt with all of their vital information on it, sort of like a dating profile, in the hopes that you will cherish this information in the candle light with a bottle of wine and choose to visit the store again and again as you remember your special time together.
Good times, good times...
Sniff, sniff, tissue please.
The receipt gets stuffed in a drawer and mostly forgotten.

I think I'd rather just have a goldfish.

Thanks for being here.