Monday, June 26, 2017

Once upon a time...Sasquatch and My Little Pony Got Crazy....

Yes, It's a crazy title but that's what this post is about.
Being almost crazy doesn't really count with most people.
Full blown, perscriptionized, stay away crazy is all that people seem to think matters.
I disagree.
Most people I know including myself aren't 'certifiable' in the legal sense of the word, but we could get there in the blink of an eye.
Now THAT people, is scary.
We are holding it together with the subtle strength but delicate fragility of a spiders web.
Every day.
Every moment.
The 'not knowing' or 'never sure' of humanity is what frightens me.
I can totally see the edge of sanity but have easily kept my toes just dangling over the edge.
The rampant greed and the lack of integrity in earthly leadership these days, however, have given my dangling toes a bit more wiggle room and my spider web retention rope is strained very thin.
So maybe that is why I over reacted when I went to work the other day.
'Over reacted'?
No, I lost it.
You see, I clean for a living.
I am a maid.
And a darn good one if I do say so myself.
Spic and span.
Top to bottom and side to side.
And most people that I clean for are lovely, hardly make a mess kind of guests.
MOST people.
Well, last week the guests were apparently Sasquatch and My Little Pony.
Interesting and adorable, right?
So very wrong.
Humans are mammals so they are going to shed a little.
I regularly clean up stray hairs, no problem....
B u t....
Last week it was full on molting season!!
There was hair on E V E R Y-D A D G U M-T H I N G !!!!!!
It caused me to go over the edge for a few hours.
There were long hairs on the chairs, the walls, the linens, the kitchen sink, everything, singularly and in globs, plus.....there were pubes stuck to everything.
In places where pubes should not be.
I will not even attempt to list all the items the pubes were on because I bet you have already thrown up a little in your mouth by now.
It was like the people had shaved each other from head to toe during an indoor hurricane!!
Never have I seen anything like it before in my life and I have been doing this for 4 years!
I had to clean everything 5 times with every product I had all while making the 'scrunchy nose gross out face' because it was never clear when the horror would end.
Then I came home, burned my clothes and took a lava hot shower.
So who's crazier?
The shedding, hairless, molting Yeti/Pony couple, or me?
-Don't answer that-
I thought that by putting my 'hairy' experience on paper and getting the heebie-jeebies out of my mind I would become a little less crazy by now, but I don't know.
People are nuts.
And they make the rest of us crazy.
No. I correct myself. They make us craz-ier.

EEWWW. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Sorry. Had to.

Thanks for being here.