Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Retail me this.... or how 'bout them cuss-tomers*.....

As a worker in retail for many, many, way to many years, I have seen my share of irritating cuss-tomers*.
Here is a short list of their antics today in my store:

Some cusstomers are needy and consider you their personal shopper. (even though you are carrying 4 boxes that you can barely see over and you're trying to talk on the walkie-talkie and help another patron)

Others talk to their friends loudly, so I can hear about how they can get what they want much, much cheaper in another store. (fine, hurry, go there)

A few (today it was more than a few) act like our stuff is a gift on Christmas morning and proceed to rip our product out of the packaging, tear off the inside tags, change their mind, then ball it up and stuff it wherever they happen to have considered it last, sans the packaging that we have to now find. All this even though we have 1 or 2 on display and it is done when our back is turned. (I'll bet your mom found cookies under your bed too)

Many adults and adults with children get furious that we do not have a public restroom.(we are in a mall with lots of public restrooms) We are talking angry, cause they "can't hold it all that way". (try really hard, please)

And you gotta love the mothers who bring in their children who start screaming and crying over heaven only knows what and the mom continues to slowly shop and ignore the child who will then scream and yell louder, while we are trying to be nice, answer phones, conduct business as usual and keep from praying for death to help end our misery. (please take your child out of the store or let us employees give your child a real reason to scream!) (do not judge me on this one, I raised 4)

Another good one today was when the cuss-tomer asks you about the return policy and you tell them what it is and they say, "Well, thats not right, I just returned blah, blah blah...". So I reply, " You are correct, It's not right. I just made it up because my feet hurt".(our return policy is on the reciept, on signs in the store AND it has not changed in 5 years)

Sometimes I can bear it, leave it at the store and come home.
Today was not one of those days.
It got to me.
No troublemaking cuss-tomer today actually recieved the pummeling they so totally deserved, (they can sleep soundly in their ignorance) but I had to vent, and you my loyal readers get to share my pain.

Please, be a kind shopper, treat things as if they mattered without leaving a trail of destruction for lowly hourly workers to clean up, because it is my prayer for you unkind shoppers that you experience the same kind of attitude and treatment that you share with us.
10 times over.
No, lets make it 20.
Plus a head cold.

Thank-you for listening.
I am grateful.

*That is not a typo. Some shoppers make me want to cuss.


  1. "I was here a couple weeks ago, and you had a red book right here (points to a table with 60 titles on it) do you know where it is now?"
    "I'm sorry, we move the books around a lot. Do you remember the title?"
    "No. It was right here. I thought I could just come in and grab it."
    "What about the author? Maybe I could look it up that way?
    "No. I can't remember who wrote it."
    "Well, I'm pretty good with the books, maybe if you tell me a little bit about it I'll be able to put together the pieces and figure it out for you."
    "No. I'll just look around maybe it'll jump out at me. Thanks anyway."


    "Hi. Do you have Really Specific Book Published 65 Million Years Ago?"
    "No, unfortunately we don't carry that book and it isn't something we can order for you."
    "Wait, what? You can't order it?"
    "No ma'am. We only have access to titles that are currently still in print or that the publishers still have on hand."
    "That's crazy. How do you stay in business? I thought you had a lot of books there, and then you could order any book that had been printed."
    "No ma'am. Unfortunately there are some titles that escape us."
    "That's ridiculous."
    "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
    Dial Tone

    1. You work in retail, so now you can read minds, talk with dinosaurs, walk on water, turn energy into matter, explain black holes and perform Bible quality miracles.
      All that with a smile on your face!

      It's a super power really.

    2. That entire statement should be at the very beginning of this post!!

    3.'s really true. So shouldn't I get a raise?

  2. Those reasons & so many more, are exactly why I have never wanted to work in retail - ever.

  3. in the fourth episode ( I think) of "Breaking Bad" the main character blows up the fancy sports car belonging to a very rude shopper. When it happened, the main character smiled very satisfyingly. Maybe you could try that. It seemed to work for him.