Sunday, July 26, 2015

Yes, It hurts!

I am wondering how many of my readers have tattoos?
......That many?........Hmmmmmm......
And how many of you with tattoos have said to someone else, "It doesn't hurt, you should get one!"
If you have said these words or something even remotely similar, then you my lovely reader are a liar.
If I don't know you personally, then I feel bad for calling you names without giving you the benefit of the doubt.
If I do know you personally, then I just feel bad for you.
You should have listened to your mother and made wiser decisions when you picked your friends.
But if you are NOT a liar, then you have super powers with a pain tolerance that is off the scale and I am going to watch you very closely because you are not an earthling.
So many people say to me, "Oh it doesn't hurt that bad".
Well, yes... yes, it does.
It is a grit your teeth, close your eyes, scrunch your hiney up, pray to Jesus, kind of hurtiness.
Maybe it has to do with my age
I didn't get my first tattoo till I was 55.
Why did I wait so long?
-I was thinking that my skin would be older and tougher and could handle the needle?
-I was waiting for my middle daughter to grow up and be my personal tattoo artist?
-I was thinking that I had no idea what to have tattooed on my skin?
-I was waiting for tattoos to be socially acceptable?
-I was thinking that I was thinking of other things and tattoos were not one of those things?
I think I waited so long because I avoid pain whenever possible and I knew, despite what many people said, that it would be painful.
In case you don't know it yet, tattoos hurt like the ever loving dickens.
Lets talk about pain...........
I've had:
3 surgeries,
28 stitches,
1 broken bone,
sunburned my eyes,
yes, my eyeballs,
3 cracked ribs,
birthed 4 babies,
a cockatiel bit all the way THROUGH my pointer finger,
I pulled 55 ticks off my body in one weekend and
cut the end off my pinky finger with a kitchen knife.
I know pain!
But I also know that the listed painful events above were NOT MY CHOICE.
I HAD to endure those events because their was no other option.
I chose to be in pain for tattooing though and I actually have no regrets.

It all started out with a simple Latin phrase,

First Tattoo
Latin for 'Freaking Hurts'
Not really.
It means Time Flies
My son found it on an old Boston graveyard tombstone.

Then a dandelion was added to the Latin phrase,

Second Tattoo
Dandelion: to signify constipation remedies.
Not really.
To show how easily and literally Time Flies

Then had my earlobes done,

Third Tattoo
Star on each ear so I could use up the space on my Buddha-like earlobes.
Well that, and I now always have earrings on.

Then added swirly stuff to the Latin Phrase Dandelion tattoo,

Fourth Tattoo
Done last week.
Swirly Stuff with pearls of color to represent each of my children and my grand baby and to help frame up tattoos 1 & 2.

All my tattoos were done freehand by my fabulous daughter who makes a very good living as a tattoo artist.
For someone trying to avoid pain, it would seem that there should be zero tattoos on my person.
But my daughters art now goes with me wherever I go and that's pretty awesome......and worth the pain.
Pain is relative.

Thanks for being here.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Technology Dress-up.

Loving technology like iDo would make it seem like iWould snap up the latest gizmo and add it to my stash of cool gadgets.
But loving money like iDo prevents me from forking over the necessary cash to own them unnecessarily.
Case in point: iHave an iPhone 4s.
You're thinking, "What a dinosaur!"
Well that is a compliment in my world, for dinosaurs are adored by me, but iKnow you say that as a gibe to keep me current and iUnderstand and acknowledge the truth in it.
So in order to stay on top of all things dinosaur techy, iRecently got the iPhone 6.

For 12 days.

That was enough.

Even though there was a restocking fee of $35 iWas willing to pay it to return this piece of technology that cost me more than my first car (used and massive=$300) and my wedding (churchy and small=$600) combined.
It wasn't that iDidn't enjoy the phone.
It was more psychological.
Along these lines....
iRemember playing with Barbies.
And yes, iAm so old that my sister and iHad some of the first Barbies ever made.
My mother or grandmother made us clothes for our Barbies (we each had only one) out of the scraps of fabric used to make outfits for us, or sometimes we used birthday money we had saved to buy a new outfit or accessory.
We could only get a new Barbie if it were a holiday where we received gifts and we had requested a Barbie because we had possibly burned all her hair off or pulled her leg out its socket, or dropped her down the sewer grate to wrestle the alligators that lived there.
After we destroyed them outgrew them, my sister and I left them behind to become adults.
We had children of our own and our girls liked Barbies too.
But guess what?
You could no longer buy seperate clothes or accessories for our childs Barbie, we had to buy a whole new Barbie.
Scuba Diver Barbie.
Paleantologist Barbie.
Chef Barbie.
Astronaut Barbie.
Ballerina Barbie.
Alligator Wrestler Barbie.
iMade that one up because iLove alligators, but you get the iDea.
iJust couldn't play that financial game and still afford food and school supplies.
Video Games did the same thing.
Music, same thing.
Movies, same thing.
Alligator Wrestling, same thing.
(Just kidding, Alligators Wrestling is still inexpensive and timeless if you live in the swamp or bayou like iDid as a kid and actually DON'T wrestle them because they will bite your face off or you're super rich and nothing is too expensive for you)
It is impossible to just upgrade and accessorize what you already have anymore.
Gotta have a whole new...Game system....Movie collection...Music Player....Alligator....whatever.
We are lured back to the cash register with a promise that "This is better, newer and cooler", even though it was only a teeny tiny bit different.
While iLove Apple products, iDidn't need this new phone.
iFell into the "Mine is old now so iGotta get a new one" trap.
But my 4s did everything the 6 did, just a wee bit slower.
The music even sounded better to me on the 4s.
So iReturned the 6, got my money back and slept like a baby that night because the night before iHad watched alligator wrestling videos till 4:00am iFelt iHad temporarily rescued myself from the hamster wheel of technology.
(Hamsters are delicious to alligators)
iHave no doubt that iWill get a new iPhone one of these days and iWill enjoy it, but for now iJust bought a new accessory (screen protector) and outfit (case) for my dinosaur old 4s and iAm happy.

My Son and Daughter Trying Scare an Alligator....the reptile is obviously terrified....

Alligator Kissy Time.
My Family loves kissing Alligators!
Alligators love kissing.....your face off!

Thanks for being here!

This post was written 2 weeks ago and when iWent to get a baby gift this week, guess what I saw??!
Barbie accessories.
Now sold in stores.
Saw it with my own eyes.
iFound small blister packs consisting of a dress and shoes for $5.00.
The outfits were ugly...or at best, mostly ugly.
The only cute accessories were included with a doll for $10.00.
Alligators hate dolls..... and accessories.
iCan't seem to let this alligator thing go....
It's messing up my whole Stop Making Me Buy New Stuff Of The Same Thing All The Time point.

Thanks again for being here anyway.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Thanks for Being Here.

Let me begin this post by stating: "Thanks for being here".
I mean that truly.
There are not many things I say or think more often......except maybe: "You're not the boss of me" or even the usually silent motto my brain has muttered tirelessly for over half a century :
"Life sucks, then you die".
I'm sure your thinking, "Wait a minute now, that is an acutely negative statement!".
Or maybe you're even thinking, "Dadgummit, my phone is at 3% and I don't know where I put my charger!".
Both good observations, but your house is far away so I can't help and the dog chewed the cord anyway.
In my mind, 'LSTYD' is not really that negative and doesn't seem to be too bad when on the occasion I have shared this motto with a co-worker who was about to box cut an especially irritating customer.
Or when you get charged $35.00 for a $5.27 debit that was mistakenly made on an empty bank account for the ICEE and two packs of breath mints that you didn't need right then anyway.
That kind of thing.
It seems to put some circumstances into perspective.
Or since most of the world is younger than me, this sentiment can be easily chalked up as 'old person cranky-talk'.
Truth be told, I got the "life sucks, then you die" sentiment from a friend decades ago who told me that she approaches each day with this attitude and it helps her get through life.
If the day is good then it is an extra fabulous surprise for her to celebrate and if it sucks than she just shrugs her shoulders and gets on with things, because that was what she was expecting.
Works for me and is not as depressing as "Hang in there".
Now that I am getting older and more philosophical, I constantly ponder how sliced cheese can stay in that thin, transparent plastic wrapper and be all cute and delicious without all kinds of messy pressed edges, lumps and cheese pieces stuck to the wrapper!
I also ponder about life and death.
That's kinda why I like blogging.
It is in the blogging thought process that I can see and reflect on the idea that life is pretty ridiculous.
And pretty awesome.
Even the sucky days.
The sucky days help give a needed appreciation for the good days and the kind/thoughtful people that help make each day a bit brighter.
I like the good days and the kind people and I am grateful for both.
That means I am grateful for you.
Yes, YOU.
You are awesome because you are kind enough to read my blog and that helps make sucky days good.
That is why I say "Thanks for being here" at the end of every post.
I am grateful, indebted and sincere.

Thanks for being here.

Raspberry Heart

I offer, with gratitude and affection, this handmade raspberry heart.
Made with raspberries picked from my very own garden because not many people can appreciate a heart made out of celery.
That is how much I love you...........and because fresh raspberries are delicious.
I could have used some of my red tomatoes but they were all wonky and not nearly as affectionate.