Amphibian Love

Spring is officially here and I am glad.
Spring welcomes the world with warm temperatures, flowers, green leaves, nice breezes and twitterpated wildlife!
'Twitterpated' is such a cute, gentle word and so appropriate for children to understand when talking about nature, but you and I know
that the word twitterpated is really a substitute word for  'booty call '.
And in the spring that booty call signal goes out to e v e r y - l i v i n g - t h i n g!!!
All day, all night.
Sometimes noisy, occasionally quiet.
But mostly noisy.
Nature doesn't need cell phones for a late night dial up, nature just SCREAMS out what it wants and screams it right next to our front door.
We now have frogs that scream out to each other, all afternoon and all night in their froggy voice saying:
 "HEY!...HEY!!..H E Y!!!.... MAKE AMPHIBIAN LOVE TO ME, ME, ME, ME!!!!
Our family built a small goldfish pond very close to the front door of our home and with each passing spring the frog population has increased in and around it.
This years community of about 16 large resident croakers scream their twitterpated balloon necks out loudest at night.
At least that is how many I could get a visual on last night with a flashlight.
They don't run from us or even care that we are there, in their space, with lights in their eyes, writing blog posts about their lustful habits.
Because they're not shy.
They will not hide their horny selves.
We have to always be careful not to step on them.
It is almost Biblical out there on the patio at night.
But we love them and frogs are in crisis around the world, so we give them our blessing and try to avert our eyes from the frog on frog pileups in and out of the water.
The froggy yelling is actually song like and if you can pretend that you don't really know what they're saying, it is very enjoyable......and LOUD.
So I took some night pics of one of our amorous residents so you can enjoy the spring with me along with a translated caption.


"H E Y ....!"


"HH EE YYY ....!!"


"I WANT TO MAKE....."


".....T A D P O L E S WITH Y O U !!!!!!!!!!"

Now this is just a paraphrase translation because I only watched Dr. Doolittle 18 times.
But I've been practicing and am now pretty fluent in amphibian.


Thanks for being here.

How Many?

The following interaction was overheard yesterday at one of my favorite places to eat, while I waited for a table:

Host: "Yes ma'am, how many in your party?"

Lady: "3 of us and them." She said this as she pointed to more adults and children coming
in the door.

Host: He silently watches the arriving new group, which was a whole passel of people in blurried motion trying to come completely inside, take off their coats and say "Hello" to each other, as the children were all scurrying around the entrance, greeting and touching each other.
He waits a bit, then he tries again.

Host: "OK, yes ma'am, how many in your party?"

Lady: "Well, 3 of us and them." She says it this time while taking her pointy finger and doing air circles around the 2 groups.

Host: "So, how many will that be?"

Lady: "Well....3...of...us.........which...includes...him......(pointing to the boy looking at the jukebox)......a n d....them." She says this while deliberately pausing and speaking slower so that maybe the Host will understand this time, all the while using her ever increasing in size, air circles.

The host walked away with his clipboard and didn't try again.
I wonder if they got any food.


Made me chuckle.
God Bless the restaurant workers.

Thanks for being here.

What Can I Help You With?

Thanks and apologies to all of you who read my rant post about gifts.
I am sure that you read it and thought.....
"What a grump!"
I read it again myself and thought, "You are one angry elf"
I don't know where that rankled post came from, because I actually love gifts, given and received and I am actually a pretty positive person most all of the time.
But not lately.
It must be the weather.
We have had ice, snow, rain, ceaseless cloudy skies, fallen trees, broken chain saws, no power for a time and some fun opportunities missed because of Mother Nature.
But ice and snow and rain and no power can be fun, something different, an adventure........
...for 10 minutes.
We have had 2 weeks of it, which is well past my 'fresh until' date.



My son tried to cheer me up and asked Siri, on his cell phone, to tell us a joke.
So she did;
"The Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar......it was tense".
I thought it was pretty funny.
Trying to keep the mood upbeat, I asked her on MY cell phone to tell us a joke and she said,
"I can't, I always forget the punchline".
Does she know me that well?
Was she having a senior moment?
Her response actually made me chuckle.
So I asked her to tell me something good and she replied,
"That may be beyond my abilities at the moment".
Mine too.
Thats why I asked for your help.
Siri must be depressed.
Which in a weird way cheered my up.

Thanks for being here.

P.S. Know any good jokes?

Another gift? I'll just stay home.

What the heck is going on with gratitude these days?
Everyone thinks a gift is the only way to show appreciation.
If you give a gift then it seems necessary that you get one in return.
Really......?

Used to be if you went to a wedding, you brought a celebratory gift for the happy couple and you got a piece of cake in return.
Maybe some peanuts and some good punch.
Now you get pens, candy, jars of honey, bottles of water, candles, lip balm and your name in a drawing for a new car.
Just kidding about the last one.
But seriously, what?

Kids birthday parties offer a smorgasbord of gifts.
You send your kid to a party with a G.I. Joe or Barbie gift and they come home with prizes for winning (or losing) pin the tail on the donkey.
There are gifts at the place setting while they wait for cake,
a treat bag full of candy, small toys to be brought home and stepped on with barefeet in the dark, a silly straw, balloons AND a tummy ache from ice cream and cake received in massive quantities, given out of gratitude for your gift.

You go see your dentist, and they give you floss, toothbrushes and toothpaste, stickers and a reminder for your next appointment.
Does that mean they think you need these things? Or it's just a 'keep up the good work' gift?
Now I don't believe for one minute they pass these things out to prevent tooth decay, thereby making their job unnecessary, it's a gift, so you'll think they love having you there and you'll forget you paid for that wimpy toothbrush with your $150.00 x-ray.

Now the Santa-cookie thing has been going on for decades and I never really understood it.
He brings the whole family gifts, we're talking boocoodles of things, and in gratitude we leave out 3 cookies and a glass of milk.
He comes back every year for this exchange?
Give a gift, get a gift I guess, no matter how unequally financed.

Let's also observe the gift rules on the dating scene.
At least what I understand about it in the media.
After a few or just one date, the young folks sleep with each other, as a way to say thank-you?
Let me ponder.....'I like you and I am so grateful that you would spend 3 hours of your valuable time with a scum sucking waste of space like me that I will risk diseases, infections, death, possible embarrassment and/or pregnancy to thank-you for my cheeseburger'.
If the date was that good, how bout just another date, tickets to an athletic event or a box of good chocolates?
That's about as equal as the Santa exchange.
This is a hard rule!

Going as a guest to someone else's home for lunch or dinner puts me in a fit of the shakes.
What kind of hostess gift do I bring?
(Yes I could say 'host gift' here as well, but let's go with my most recent frame of reference)
Will I bring something she has 6 of already?
Does my gift cost more or less than the meal?
Will she even expect anything?
It can't be a food gift or she will think I don't like her cooking.
It can't be wine or liquor 'cause some folks don't like what I like or they don't even drink at all.
A candle perhaps? Now she thinks that I think her house smells funny.
Flowers? What...now her house is too ugly?
Why am I trading gifts for food?
If I bring an extra thoughtful gift, could we swap it for the rug in the hall that I have always admired instead of the chicken salad?
I am just clueless about this.

Is it the rule now, of American culture, that if you get a gift you have to give a gift?
It makes my brain hurt.
How about a nice Thank-you note?
How about the fact that most people just like each other and want to spend TIME with each other?
Does a reciprocated gift ensure the friendship?
Am I so ancient and out of touch that my concept of reality has run naively rampant and unchecked long enough for me to believe that if I invite you to do something with me that I want no gifts, no anything, except for YOU to be with me?

I get the fact that gifts are nice now and then.
Thats what birthdays, Christmas and being in love is for.
But I am going crazy and broke keeping up with this other stuff.
Everything we do or accomplish does not deserve a gift, an award, a prize or a trophy.
It boggles my mind.
Should we get together, face to face, and talk about it?
Work it out over lunch?
Maybe, but I don't think so.
Even though your thoughts would be invaluable, the getting together part might involve a gift of some kind.
I'll just stay home and blog about it.
No gifts necessary.

Thanks for being here.


Jeplen with the remnants of too many gifts.

Blue Ink?

Dadgummitt.
Call me crazy but when I write notes to myself or letters or valentines or anything that needs a writing implement, I want it to be in black ink!
There are several other people in this house who also use pens and could care ZERO percent what color the ink is, so there are pens of every color at different places around the house.
So when my phone is MIA and turned to silent mode, that is usually the time that I need to make a note or a list...immediately...and can only grab the nearest pen and paper.
If I grab a black ink pen then all is right with the world.
If the pen has blue ink then my lip curls into a snarl and my note is scribbled as fast as possible to avoid seeing the dreaded blue ink.
I have always been a list maker/note writer so old age crankiness is not the factor here.
It's the ink.
I have always liked black ink.
Well to be fair, I like black anything.
I have lots of black clothes, a black picture frame wall, a black dog, black guest room furniture, was furious when my black iphone died on vacation and I had to get a white one and my husband has black hair.
So when I have to write a list and it looks like this:


Mongrel note.

you will know that I couldn't write another word until I got up and searched the house for a black pen.
...After a loud sigh...
Now blue ink is fine for some people.
But it just doesn't seem legit to me.
Books are printed with black ink.
Road signs are made with black ink.
The angel of death wears black. Would he seem as important if his garb was blue?
Black means serious.
When I write something down with a pen it means its important.
If the only pen I've got is blue, then I might as well just use a crayon in my opinion.


One of our pen stashes.

I'll bet half the pens in that stash pictured above are NOT black.
Why are they still in my house?
Because until I started processing these angry pen color feelings, I never knew it was an issue.
It's weird what becomes important to you when you're blogging........when you should be doing laundry or vacuuming or doing the dishes or dusting or organizing or exercising or cooking dinner or feeding the dogs or raking leaves or calling your mother or...........


Thanks for being here!!!

A Piece of Every Book Stays With You. Literally. For Days Maybe.

I have been reading and enjoying books since...forever.
Love books.
Share books.
Keep books.
Books are all over the house stacked on random things or on appropriate book shelves.
The ones all over the house have been read and are ready to be shared or re-read.
The ones stacked in my bedroom on every stair of the step stool or on the night table are 10 deep and waiting to be read.
I would read books to my children when they were old enough to sit up in my lap and notice the pages.
Many of those pages were consumed with enthusiasm.
Literally.
It could possibly be an undiagnosed medical condition, but all my kids started out chewing their books.
Now my grandson loves to chew his books too.
My home has specifically designed chewable items everywhere, but it seems that the books are the tastiest.
Every person has their own reason for reading and if deliciousness is Jeplen's reason for beginning his literary journey, then the edible way is the way it shall be.
Absolutely.
Until he can read for himself, it is imperative that his Grandfather or I read to him the words written on the pages of his books while he anxiously waits (or not) to nibble the pages, drool and taste the book corners till they are mushy and send chewed off bits of the story to his digestive track.
Books are important for a myriad of reasons.
Fiber being near the bottom of the list.
But high on the list, books can be an inspiration for the mind and my grandson will, hopefully, never be without them.



The Tastiness of Books.



Really Getting into the Story.


Thank-you for being here!

Lets NOT Read This Book Club........

Saw the following books the other day at my local 'sells everything store'.
Maybe you know all about these books, but I had no idea.
(Still wish that I had no idea)


Deliverance and Spiritual Warfare.

A warfare Manual ?
An entire Manual?
Really?
Is there so much stuff going on that it can be manualized for the masses?
Like a Girl Scout manual?
Are there cookie sales and badges involved?
Is the armor, sword and chainmail pictured on the cover supposed to beckon me?
Shouldn't love be the weapon of choice?
Are there too many question marks in this narrative?
If the title was Deliverance FROM Spiritual Warfare, then maybe.....
Plus I hear banjo music when I see the word Deliverance......
Rest assured that this is definitely not a title that makes me want to read this book.



The Demon Dictionary.

A Volume 2 edition???
Volume 2?
Now I feel like I'm taking Crazy pills?
I never knew about, was looking for, or saw volume 1!
And why is a human so familiar with hell, all it's doctrine and the creatures that dwell there that they can ponder, reference and alphabetize 2.....yes I typed the number 2 again.....books worth of demon information.
Is there going to be a volume 3 or 4 or maybe even....Encyclopedia Demonica?
If demons are bad......that's all I need to know.
No introduction or dictionary needed.
My demon education was completed at 6 years old when I watched the end of Fantasia.
Lesson Learned?
Avoid demons under every circumstance.
This book would be one of those every circumstances, so I am positive that I will NOT...ever...ever...ever....never....read this book.



How to Expel Demons, Break Curses and Release Blessings.

Expel, Break, Release.........Repeat?

This book sounds like you will stay very busy.
That's all I can type about this one.
This is definitely a 'Let's NOT Read This Book' book.

I am truly puzzled over the oddness and darkness of each of the 3 books of the books which I referenced above.
They were all together, like best friends, on a shelf.
They were all at discount prices.
They were all displayed in front of the romance books.??
They all truly caught me off guard.
I was looking for Lady Almina and the Real Downton Abbey!
Which I did not find.

I don't even look for any books at the 'sells everything store' anymore.
At all.
It's too scary!
I am obviously WAY out of touch with the interests in my community and I really don't care to get caught up.

A small shiver of speculation......
A quiet shudder at the thought.....
Followed by a good case of the willies....


Thanks for being here.

"Happy Same As Last Year!"

I thought I was giving myself a present when I decided that I would not worry about posting anything on my blog for a while.
Well that makes me the worst gift giver in America, cause I hated it and I did worry about it.
There were hours when I just tried to think of good excuses for putting off posting for one more day, but there were no good excuses.
There were some weak ones and some silly ones but no good ones.
Like:
- the printer is out of paper (doesn't affect me).
- I have to take the dogs out (all day??).
- the altitude is making my brain fuzzy and I can't concentrate (trust me when I say that it is NOT the altitude).
- no one wants to read it anyway (but you DO and I am so grateful to you!).
See? Not one good excuse.
Plus, the last one is not really an excuse.
It's just a lie I told myself, but then almost every day I would check my stats and you, my fabulous readers, were reading my old posts!
I am humbled and grateful.
So lets keep in touch on a regular basis again.
Same as last year.
So....

Happy Same as Last Year!

I will blog this year on a regular basis.
Same as last year.
But that is NOT a New Years resolution mind you.
My blog and year will practically be a do-over of the same silliness and joy because I hate making resolutions.
At my age I have made so many resolutions and fulfilled so few that I don't see the point of even trying.
Making a resolution sabotages me AND the year before by making me feel that last year was so totally horrible and that I should make drastic changes in the new one.
Can't trick a trickster.
Can't even make me feel a tiny bit bad about it.
Every decision I made was debated and researched and sweated over.
Well....except for those 3 extra Oreo's and the dishes left in the sink till morning and whether or not I should turn up the heat in the house past 68.
Don't judge me please.
You get the idea.
I spent most of my whole life feeling 'less than' and resolutions painfully pound 'incompetence' into my sensitive nature.
So you certainly shouldn't feel guilty if you made no new resolutions either or already messed up the ones you did make.
I can assure you that I don't or won't.
I have an idea?!.....Let us all resolve to not feel guilty about the decisions we make and the things we do this year!
No wait..........

So let me sum up.......
Happy Same As Last Year!!

There is a quote from Ella Bounds in the book, In the Sanctuary of Outcasts that I just adore....
"You is what you is"


Thanks for being here.
I hope 2015 is a fabulous year for you !!!



A lovely memoir about two kinds of outcasts.

The Christmas Shopper.

The Christmas Shopper.
A Poe-m by Sherry R.*

Once upon a morning dreary,
While I wakened, weak and bleary,
Over many a gift bought and wrapped from some vile store,
While I coffeed, nearly napping, suddenly I felt like slapping,
As if somehow my brain was slapping, trapping me to buy some more.
"Tis but some bauble" I quickly muttered, "slapping me to buy some more.
Only this and nothing more."

Deep into the morning peering, long I sat there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no shopper ever dared to dream before:
But the silence was unbroken and the coffee gave no token,
And the only words there spoken were the whispered, "Shop some more."
This I whispered to myself and murmured back."Shop some more."
Only this and nothing more.

Then 'Free Shipping' so enticing, and the bid of 'Low, Low Pricing'
Those chosen words now burned into my bosom's core.
No other words dare need be mentioned,
To grab my wallet and attention,
Till I scarcely only question, "who do I still need something for?"
"Is there someone?", I implore, as my resolve goes out the door.
One more dollar and nothing more.

But I soon discern my bill is climbing,
The thrill of gifts is past it's priming.
I now resolve to stop this madness I adore.
The siren voices must stay quiet, as they stalk me like a diet,
Beckoning and calling "Buy some more".
While my resolve is quickly sinking, back to the 'inter-web' I'm linking,
All the while my brain is thinking, "My cash has vastly flown the door with
something destined for a drawer, yet..."
One more gift and nothing more.

Then I ponder in lonely torment my frightful snare with my urge to repent,
Over gift temptations I have tried to bypass much before.
Is aid soon needed by a master to help avoid complete disaster,
And keep my downfall from occuring faster,
Than it has so swiftly done in days of yore?
"I will be wise, no compromise, I know that I am not a bargain whore.
I am the boss of my wayward brain and can handle all the strain to make my budget last and keep the score."
I will not faulter, vows the shopper. Vows the shopper...
"Nevermore."

It won't happen again, gone are checkbook and pen.
And the credit cards used on gifts so many times before.
The oath is no joke and it will not be broken,
As the season outspoken, begs, 'Spend some more!'
Now resolve is like a fire burning and "no more debt" is still a yearning as from my shopping ways I'm learning not to ring up gifts and treats galore.
The cash it helps to keep it real and curbs the staggering appeal of swiping the card in the oft offending store.
No more bills, debts and crying, no more statements for hiding, no more charges that I regularly ignore.
The snare must loosen up it's grip, as I bite hard upon my lip and as I constantly...defiantly quip...
"Nevermore."



I wrote the previous poe-m after a shopping day that completely overwhelmed and derailed me from the wonder of the season.
When despondent, I always think on Edgar Allan Poe and it is with considerable gratitude that I thank him for his masterful version of this poem, The Raven.

*Thats me!

Thanks for being here.


Ravens at Christmas



The Christmas Shopper Poem © 2014

Godzilla Nativity

Hello faithful readers.
Yes, I know the REAL meaning of Christmas and I adore it.
That is why I had a little fun today.
Think I will make Christmas cards with these pics.
Some possible sentiments include.....

IT Came upon a Midnight Clear....
or
Don't Rest ye Merry Gentlemen.....
or
O Come all ye Flameful....
or
Hark, the Feral Lizards Sing...
or
Wreck the Halls...

You get the idea.
Maybe you'll get one!!!

You're Welcome!


Godzilla Nativity


Godzilla Nativity


Godilla Nativity


Thanks for being here.

Understanding a Gift.

I have not discovered the Fountain of Youth or become a giant Redwood tree but including this year I have celebrated 245 Christmases with my husband.
In dog years that is.
We have had a dog or dogs most of our entire married life and consider it an honor for them to leave muddy paw prints all over the house be in our lives.
Every day is Christmas for a dog and dogs are easy to buy gifts for.
Give them one tennis ball or several, new or even badly used, and they celebrate with wild abandon, as if no one ever gave them anything else before.
Husbands are a bit more discerning and although they are very much like dogs, I have used up every thoughtful and creative gift idea in my universe during our 245 Christmases together.
I am totally not inspired to shop for my husband because if he wants something he usually just buys it himself.
So doesn't that means he has everything he wants!?!?
If I actually do think of something that would be a fun gift then it is usually about the same price as a new Lamborgini, and we all know bloggers have bags of expendable income generated by thousands of advertisers and loyal readers.
That is our reason for blogging.
Not because we are trying to type away our stress or perhaps psychoanalyze our day to day world, hoping it will in some small way, make a bit of sense.
Pppfffftttt. Whatever.
Back to husbands and dogs....
Both are laid back and easy going.
Curled up on a nice comfy chair or sofa, they both fall asleep in seconds and snore loudly.
Hmmm...Got enough chairs and sofas.
Both eat just about anything.
My husband however, does not just barf on the carpet if he eats too much.
Hmmmm...Got enough food.
They both leave their stuff everywhere because they are easily distracted........Squirrel.......
Hmmmmm...Got enough socks, hats, shoes and yard animals.
Both sleep ALL OVER the bed.
Arms and legs in every direction and both dogs and husbands will strangely try to snuggle even closer to you if you push an arm, leg or tail out of the way, so you just give up and try to go back to sleep in an unoccupied space about the size of a bandana.
Hmmmmmm...Got a bed and plenty of blankets.
Not to mention the amount of hair that is shed by husbands and dogs.
And husbands don't take kindly to a good lint rolling on their chest to gather the excess.
Hmmmmmmm...Got LOTS of lint rollers, vacuums and showers.
Both dogs and husbands are fun to be around and happy most all of the time with a "Glad I woke up, what are we gonna do now?" attitude every morning.
Hmmmmmmmm...Got enough coffee, mugs and projects around the house.
Husbands and dogs are just happy to be noticed and have a companion to play with, seems like to me.
Hmmmmmmmmmm...
So much in common..... except....
Dog gift = easy.
Husband gift = aaarrrggghhhh... or....
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
Maybe I'm thinking of this gift thing all wrong.
Maybe I can't think of the gift because ANY gift would be considered G R E A T.
Because for dogs and husbands most every day is like Christmas when you have the balls to celebrate with wild abandon.

Merry Christmas.

Thanks for being here.



The Husband.

Must Haves this Winter

With everyone making lists of the best gifts to give this year, please let me list a few things for your own self that I find help make any day a bit brighter and more-better-bearable.
Since I have been stomping this planet for so long, I have tried lots of stuff and can, with a large chunk of certainty say that these items are worth your hard earned cash.
You can trust me on this because I spent my own cash to get them. They are not promotional gifts.....dadgummit.

1)

Oil of Olay

Every woman human needs this stuff. While it doesn't remove wrinkles, it makes your skin feel so fresh and good you won't care.....as much. I went through 2 bottles of this stuff (and still counting) making my swollen, hurty broken wrist skin feel better. It is not heavy on your skin or greasy. Put a light coat on your face, after your morning wash and your smile will thank you. Heck, I use this lotion on some of my wood furniture to give it a nourished look.
Besides it smells nice.

2)

Harney and Sons Chamomile Tea Sachets

Tea. Gotta love it. Well you don't gotta but I do because while I was young and growing up my Mom's best friend was English so tea was always brewing in our house. Plus if we were sick, we were always given hot tea and saltine crackers. Now-a-days I find that the soothing taste of chamomile tea in the evenings is the best way to relax. Many, many brands and varieties have passed over my lips but the simplicity, natural sweetness, and heavenly aroma of Harney and Sons is all my palette requires. Their website could use some updating, but their teas are wonderful.
Besides the little sachets are adorable and make me feel fancy.

3)

Ester-C Vitamin C

All vitamin C's are not created equal. These are truly the best. They have a little bit of a smooth coating, so they don't taste powdery or get stuck on the way down. After I don't know how many years of taking them, they have never upset my stomach. They are kind of big so sometimes I cut them in half, because I hate taking pills and because 500mg is the smallest mg I have ever found. If you are feeling a little droopy or scratchy throated then take these to knock those sick germs back to last week.
Besides it will keep you from getting scurvy.

4)

Max Freeze

I had never heard of this stuff till my sister came to take care of me whilst I was broken bone recovering. She uses it on a bad knee. It is amazing. It goes on like a roll-on deoderant with only a slight odor in the beginning and no weird skin feel after. But it will reduce your aches and pains in just a few minutes like a prescription drug all the while being just about as all-natural as you can get. I will always have it in my medicine cabinet from now on.
Besides it is made in the U.S.A. - Like me !

5)

Grandma's Pure Soap

I got this soap because a) it had the word Grandma on it. b) it has lye in it and c) it is good for dry skin.
There are 3 ingredients and thats it. Lard, Water and Lye. I can picture a hardworking woman stirring a large bubbling, steaming pot of soap over an open fire with smooth, acne free skin. My 'lives far away' daughter who also loves it says she can really tell a difference in her complexion since she started using it. I use it because it really does not dry out your skin or leave any kind of residue. It also lasts a long time. Over a month with daily use for me. Now I'm no soap scientist, but it just feels better, cleans better, lathers better and rinses much better than grocery store bars or liquids, so my ancient, well used skin appreciates it
Besides it makes me feel like a strong pioneer woman. And soap is as close as I'm gonna get to that scenario.

Hope you find this list helpful in some tiny way, but these items seem important at any age and I thought you should know.

You're Welcome.


Thanks for being here.


Shopping Links:
1) Oil of Olay
2) Chamomile Tea
3) Ester C
4) Max Freeze
5) Grandma's Soap