Went to the store today in search of a necklace.
The 'perfect' necklace was my goal, to wear with a new dress I adored and had purchased for a hotsy totsy shindig I must attend this weekend.
The torment of this post is that I am a horrible shopper.
Not only am I bad at it, I don't like it.
No, thats too mild.....I hate it!
Horrible at it and hating it are probably symptomatic of each other and might not be in this story at all if I had unlimited hours on the clock, lots of extra money to use while shopping for myself and if.....
...there were no mirrors.
Mirrors are the worst.
The only time I use them at home is to look at my hair tangles, to check my face for any wayward hairs, zits and stranded broccoli or to make sure my slip is not showing.
But to go to a store and see myself from every direction, in bright light (my house is dark...shall we say cave-like?) makes me double take in shock and look for the ropes to hold down this Macy's Day Parade balloon person I saw in the mirror.
Shopping for myself and by myself...in public...means I want something very badly or very quickly, or both, but as soon as I got a glimpse of myself in the 3 way mirror I was ready to go home.
(Well, I was ready to go home as soon as I got out of the car, but I was on a mission)
A necklace is, was and never will be enough to 'accentuate the positive'.
My mind has been playing tricks on me, convincing me that 'one more cookie won't matter'.
It apparently matters very much and I fell for it easily and repeatedly without the benefit of a giant mirror, bright lights and a positive self image.
"But hey, snap out of it!"
"No pity parties here!"
At least not enough pity or party to warrant a change of lighting, bigger mirrors and life without cookies.
I'm healthy, mostly happy, loved by some and my 80 year old mother has reminded me for years that "The older you get, the more your body does whatever the heidi-ho it wants to anyway", so I just need to embrace who I am and move on with my life.
So I will.
After all, everyday puts me one step closer to the grave where there will be no need for shopping... or mirrors.
Oh, I did not find a necklace today.
I have to go out again tomorrow...................
Thanks for being here.