Sunday, October 26, 2014

Shy to the Nucleus.

Being shy is one of my 'things' and has been since I was an embryo. (I was too shy to even come out on birthing day, my mother was trying to push me into this world for 2 long, laboring days before I was born)
My parents though, were both outgoing, party throwing, neighbor chatting, involved in anything kind of people.
There were many times when I got scolded for hiding behind my parents or taking off to a secluded corner when my parents were being social.
"You're acting ridiculous" or "I do apologize, I'm sure she'll outgrow this" or "Get over here now and don't make me tell you again" were all things I heard repeatedly.
Yet I have never stopped being shy all the way into
It is not a worry or a problem that I think about because I have been shy as long as I can recall and I am comfortable by myself.
Sometimes though, I must go public.....where people are........
My husband who is NOT shy, generously purchased tickets to one of our favorite comedians as an anniversary gift.
Perfect. The funny man will be 1000 feet away, on a spotlit stage and we will be comfortably and silently squished next to strangers in the dark.
Totally awesome and mostly shy-proof until.......I got entirely too close to the funny man .
The most famous person I was ever close to was Santa Claus.
Now imagine a crying child being pushed close to Santa and said child is trying to turn and run back to the safety of anywhere else.
I was that child.
"Keep the presents, I am not talking to that guy".
That was my motto.
Well the previously mentioned comedian was also doing a book signing on his stand-up tour and we arrived early enough that there was hardly anyone in line for it.
So......we were able to get up close and personal with a famous person.
My brain shut off.
Completely shut off.
Instead of crying though, I was grinning like an idiot and couldn't even remember what my daughter's name was.
He was witty, friendly, adorable, signed my book and smiled back.
I took the book and bolted out of the room.
I don't recall if I even thanked him.
I sat down trembling, terrified and still grinning.
If I am shy around regular people, what was I thinking I could do around a famous one?
Without a working brain?!
Now I've become a traumatized shy adult.
"Keep the book, I am not talking to that guy".
That is my motto for the next book signing.
Did I say 'next' book signing?
Who am I kidding.
I mean 'any' book signing.

Thanks for being here.

I could have gotten closer, but I had to leave enough space for a quick getaway.

Funny. Even autograph funny.
(Amy is my daughter)


  1. Funny as always! I personally think you should have screamed - "RUN! We finally got his DNA!" - as you bolted out the door. But then again, I am not the shy one. Poor, poor Auntie.

  2. Good plan, but I probably would have been arrested !
    "Keep the DNA, I am not talking to that police officer".

  3. HAHAHAHAHAHA! This still cracks me up! You forgot who Amy was! The other books didn't get signed! I know it's a tragedy, but something tells me he will remember you.