Thursday, June 5, 2014

Movin' South.

Sorry to disappoint you, but this post is not about going to Florida or aging in the tropics somewhere.
Spoiler.....
This post is about body parts that sojourn to new places as we age. So if you are squeamish and don't want to read about 'boobs' than check out Todays Deal on Amazon or view something on attackofthecute.com.
Just stop reading now and save yourself from the bug eyed fear and daytime nightmares that my words might induce.

My 'mammary glands' have been a large part of my life since 5th grade, when I got my first bra.
Training bra.
No problem.
Training them to do what at 11 years old, I do not know.
Still no problem really.

But they kept growing.
I was warned/told/reminded that I must continue to wear a bra every day or my 'breasts' would get saggy, with an implication that they would then not be useful.
While they were not huge, they were hefty, defying logic and remaining in the place where boobs are supposed to be even when I took off my mammary protector.
So I wore a bra daily.
Unnecessarily in those days but blindingly obedient,
I had to protect them.
They had important jobs to do in the future!

My anatomically correct boobs did their job in those early years apparently, by helping to attract a lovely husband (35 years this year!) and then nourishing 4 healthy, happy babies.
The wearing of the bra paid off I guess.

But I am here to tell you that once the 'boob-job' is over..... they move south.
Just like old people from Ohio.
They will move there regardless of your previous, young, futile efforts.
No bra, no verbal threat, no lotion, no praying, will save you.
They are not just visiting either.
They have put on a few pounds, during the years and they want to stay there, in the south.
This fact makes any bra feel like a torture chamber.

So since my 'bosoms' have had a long, productive life and want to travel now and see the rest of my body, I have decided to let them be free.
I wear a brassiere as little as possible. After all, they've been cooped up in that uncomfortable contraption for 45 years.
They deserve that freedom.
A bra is kind of like punishing them for good behavior and they do not deserve that.

If you're like me, you now have a weird visual of this and you're making a scrunchy face. I do apologize, but I had to get this off my chest. Almost literally.
My sister will never understand. She will be adorable and perky when she is 105.
But big busted girls will understand.

Today is a bra-less day.

I always wear a bra in public, so don't worry.
Some things have moved south but not my sense of decency and civil responsibility.

So anyway..... this is part of my world and hopefully I have been able to help you see where I'm coming from.

Now I worry that when you see me at the store or on the street.......my eyes are up here........WAY up here, you will wonder which day it is........


Thanks for being here.







3 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time. It even beats The Blogess!! I am sorry though that only your mammary glands are moving south (keep reading - don't stop here) and not your entire body - because in a geographical way, the thought of them 'moving south' makes them seem closer to me than the rest of you....

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    Replies
    1. LOL !! You're the best !!!!! Thanks.

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  2. I should have commented that I laughed so hard I accidentally peed myself. You lost your bosoms, I lost my bladder. Isn't growing old wonderful??!!!

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