Earplugs.

Earplugs.
Ahhhh...yes.
The serenity.
The silence.
The..."WHAT?"
Just kidding.
Or am I?
Earplugs are an immersion into my very own convenient and personalized Sensory Deprivation Tank.
Mostly.
Mostly just the ONE deprived sense and no tank.
But I try to work with what I have.
As I get older the noises of this modern world have gotten very annoying and those sounds of life, including everything, have become completely irritating.
So since, in my opinion, old folks should be pampered, I have given myself permission to ignore all of the chaos.
Maybe one of the reasons that senior citizens become deaf is...
...Because they can...
It is a sweet relief.
My grandfather was deaf...most of the time.
My grandmother swears he could hear clearly when she said that the coffee was ready or the pie could be cut now or if someone knocked on the door with some fresh bait for fishing.
Selective deafness.
I totally get it.
Hence my affiniy for earplugs.
It is rapturous when you put them in and all the swirling, disturbing, bothersome sounds that you have tried to ignore through-out the day slowly disappear into silence and you close your eyes and........start thinking of the crazy person that is creeping down the hallway with a hatchet that you can't hear because you have your earplugs in.
Or maybe you're unaware of the sounds the dog is making as he shreds and totally ruins the sofa because the happy growling, thrashing and shredding noises have been blotted out and you won't notice anything amiss till you stumble over the piles of foam.
Or perhaps the fire truck siren that is silenced as it approaches your burning yard including trees and very nearly the chickens that will soon be nuggets before you get around to taking your earplugs out.
Just kidding.
Or am I?
It does take some mental preparation to get used to earplugs and the glorious isolation they provide, but after a few panic attacks and a couple of days 30 seconds you too can be relaxing and deaf, unconcerned and oblivious to every noise in the world, once those foamy little sound blockers of sanity have been put in their proper position.
Intentional deafness.
But while it is easy, this escapism is not to be taken lightly.
When my kids were small I never used them.
I had this elusive goal of being a good mother and I took very seriously the need to calm a cough or listen for muffled whispers of any rule breaking schemes, all of which I could hear from about a mile away.
My kids are old enough to take care of themselves now and most responsibilities that require hearing are handled with texting, closed captioning and the profusely overused, "What?"
So there are no guilt feelings when the earplugs go in and the world fades away.
Optional deafness.
There should be a National Earplug Day to celebrate this King of survival tools.
It is just that important.

Thanks for being here.
"Did you hear me dear?"
I said,
"THANKS FOR BEING HERE!"


Earplugs. The treasure of treasures.